Interesting TEDx talk on the link between nutrition and mental health (and the ineffectiveness of most drug therapies – more and more drugs being prescribed, while the rates of mental ill health increase). Made me wonder about the effect of my getting gastroenteritis when I was a baby – damaged gut, poor nutrient absorption.
Went up to say goodnight to S in her room before coming back to the caravan and we had a quiet talk. Talked about the stages of grief, and told her I just needed space. She asked if I meant we were over, so I said this is over, our time together here. And that her behaviour over the last two months / my response to it, (isolation, anger, loss of interest in sex) fed into that feeling, that something was ending. We were kind to each other, subdued. Finished by telling each other that if we wanted anything, we would tell each other. I got into bed about 10:30 and watched A Week to Die, a film about a writer trying to kill himself, and apparently, eventually succeeding, after finding the love of his life. I think it was a comedy. The happy ending was reserved for his assassin, who retired and went off on a world cruise with his wife.
We had a Dean’s meeting after lunch. I got very stroppy with Lachlan, having invited him to talk about his concerns about silence (our general lack of and carelessness with). Catherine got bossy (as in behaved like our boss, which got me worrying, that she thinks she’s the leader of the community – that was announced at an earlier meeting when she was asked what her role was, but I wasn’t there to object, she says she’s the manager of the Abbaye). Sebastien backed me up – Lachlan went over the top about microwaves, kettles and pins dropping, and people leaving the table when they had finished – in my case, usually, after about 10 minutes, and we should all stay until 13:30. I felt like getting up and leaving. Sebastien said he didn’t like being treated like he was in kindergarten. I said L (and others) were being intolerant, at which point Henriette piped up and said we weren't to be unkind. I wasn’t being unkind or judgemental, just using language accurately. Lachlan needs to lighten up – silence is important but he’s trying to control everyone and eliminate all noise. Eventually we calmed down, I didn’t leave, and came up with some practical suggestions for reducing noise at lunchtime. Catherine said guests couldn’t take the silence, I asked why they were even here in that case (this in response to Sebastien’s suggestion of an extra quiet day, which I though an excellent idea). Trouble is Lachlan had ticked off both Seb and me for talking in the kitchen during lunchtime (we should have gone into the office) and neither Seb or I react well to be told off by a stroppy teenager. Lachlan came to talk to me after supper, and we made our peace. I told him not to try and make the world a perfect place for Lachlan; we all irritate each other, all the time, and he needs to lighten up a bit, and not go round telling people what to do quite so bossily. He had a very hard time at school apparently, and I’m not surprised. We have a lot in common. He’s a Scorpio.
Jean Christophe has broken the tractor, again – his welds weren’t strong enough – and the mower has blown up on him – electrics burst into flames. Meanwhile ABP has no cash. Seb needs to empty the septic tanks. I was quite proud that I was able to use all my accounting work from last year to track down the last invoice and get the name of the septic tank emptying company. It’s funny how they haven’t even asked me if I’d step in to S’s shoes once she’s left, even if only temporarily. Pretty certain I’d say no, and I suspect they don’t think I could be relied on anyway.
It’s raining again. Filled in and sent off the form to drain the lake.
What tempts pure awareness, the awareness of the embryo, into the world of pleasure and pain? Does it have any choice? What is the apple that the body offers the soul? Pain and pleasure can only be experienced in the body, by the body. The body is evolved to avoid pain and seek pleasure. When awareness becomes I, becomes embodied, it identifies the body’s sensations as its sensations. Does the embryo experience pain, as pain? Is there ever a point where awareness is not totally embodied? Is it even sensible to try and separate body from soul? To say that one precedes the other?
Antoinette brilliant on silence in the morning rule share, then spoilt it all (or I did) by insisting I was ‘projecting’ on to her by saying she was a hassler and irritating and made work for us. Finally managed to bundle her into her taxi with suitcase before her companion missed her train. Antoinette will simply hassle it back into the station if it leaves without her.
Fixed the sewage pump. The water level sensors were covered with a calcareous crust, almost like a kettle. We have very hard water here. Another job for my weekly to do list.
Seb wants to be able to talk in meetings until midnight, apparently.
A lovely, truly silent lunch. And Thic Nat Thanh was much better, talking about mindful moments, a bell ringing, dust dancing in sunlight through a window, someone singing, signs to bring us back to this present moment.
Went up to say goodnight to S in her room before coming back to the caravan and we had a quiet talk. Talked about the stages of grief, and told her I just needed space. She asked if I meant we were over, so I said this is over, our time together here. And that her behaviour over the last two months / my response to it, (isolation, anger, loss of interest in sex) fed into that feeling, that something was ending. We were kind to each other, subdued. Finished by telling each other that if we wanted anything, we would tell each other. I got into bed about 10:30 and watched A Week to Die, a film about a writer trying to kill himself, and apparently, eventually succeeding, after finding the love of his life. I think it was a comedy. The happy ending was reserved for his assassin, who retired and went off on a world cruise with his wife.
We had a Dean’s meeting after lunch. I got very stroppy with Lachlan, having invited him to talk about his concerns about silence (our general lack of and carelessness with). Catherine got bossy (as in behaved like our boss, which got me worrying, that she thinks she’s the leader of the community – that was announced at an earlier meeting when she was asked what her role was, but I wasn’t there to object, she says she’s the manager of the Abbaye). Sebastien backed me up – Lachlan went over the top about microwaves, kettles and pins dropping, and people leaving the table when they had finished – in my case, usually, after about 10 minutes, and we should all stay until 13:30. I felt like getting up and leaving. Sebastien said he didn’t like being treated like he was in kindergarten. I said L (and others) were being intolerant, at which point Henriette piped up and said we weren't to be unkind. I wasn’t being unkind or judgemental, just using language accurately. Lachlan needs to lighten up – silence is important but he’s trying to control everyone and eliminate all noise. Eventually we calmed down, I didn’t leave, and came up with some practical suggestions for reducing noise at lunchtime. Catherine said guests couldn’t take the silence, I asked why they were even here in that case (this in response to Sebastien’s suggestion of an extra quiet day, which I though an excellent idea). Trouble is Lachlan had ticked off both Seb and me for talking in the kitchen during lunchtime (we should have gone into the office) and neither Seb or I react well to be told off by a stroppy teenager. Lachlan came to talk to me after supper, and we made our peace. I told him not to try and make the world a perfect place for Lachlan; we all irritate each other, all the time, and he needs to lighten up a bit, and not go round telling people what to do quite so bossily. He had a very hard time at school apparently, and I’m not surprised. We have a lot in common. He’s a Scorpio.
Jean Christophe has broken the tractor, again – his welds weren’t strong enough – and the mower has blown up on him – electrics burst into flames. Meanwhile ABP has no cash. Seb needs to empty the septic tanks. I was quite proud that I was able to use all my accounting work from last year to track down the last invoice and get the name of the septic tank emptying company. It’s funny how they haven’t even asked me if I’d step in to S’s shoes once she’s left, even if only temporarily. Pretty certain I’d say no, and I suspect they don’t think I could be relied on anyway.
It’s raining again. Filled in and sent off the form to drain the lake.
What tempts pure awareness, the awareness of the embryo, into the world of pleasure and pain? Does it have any choice? What is the apple that the body offers the soul? Pain and pleasure can only be experienced in the body, by the body. The body is evolved to avoid pain and seek pleasure. When awareness becomes I, becomes embodied, it identifies the body’s sensations as its sensations. Does the embryo experience pain, as pain? Is there ever a point where awareness is not totally embodied? Is it even sensible to try and separate body from soul? To say that one precedes the other?
Antoinette brilliant on silence in the morning rule share, then spoilt it all (or I did) by insisting I was ‘projecting’ on to her by saying she was a hassler and irritating and made work for us. Finally managed to bundle her into her taxi with suitcase before her companion missed her train. Antoinette will simply hassle it back into the station if it leaves without her.
Fixed the sewage pump. The water level sensors were covered with a calcareous crust, almost like a kettle. We have very hard water here. Another job for my weekly to do list.
Seb wants to be able to talk in meetings until midnight, apparently.
A lovely, truly silent lunch. And Thic Nat Thanh was much better, talking about mindful moments, a bell ringing, dust dancing in sunlight through a window, someone singing, signs to bring us back to this present moment.
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