We spent the night together. It was lovely. Also the full moon so S has started her period, so no hanky panky, but it didn’t matter, we just snuggled up to each other. Neither of us slept as well or as deeply as we would have alone I suspect, but there’ll be plenty of time for that in the months ahead. We talked a bit about the future, and I started feeling more optimistic. Sabine, her new landlady, doesn’t seem to have any problem with me staying (we’ll at least get a chance to meet each other when I take S back next week – only 6 days to go), and S said she might invest in a double mattress on the floor. And that we may as well stay with Sabine on the night of my birthday, even if we have to sleep in a single bed. I said bags I go on top.
Her room after she’s gone. The caravan. I do not want to look like Catherine or Giovanni. I am a full member of the community until I leave, or they push me out. I can treat the caravan as my Hunting Lodge.
A ‘floating’ Deans’ meeting, in the hall, the cloister, outside the Chapel, below the East Wing. Henriette very emotional and triggery – me crossing my arms, ‘arguing’, reacting to her, waving a Victorinox knife around(I’d picked it up to take back to the kitchen), all very threatening. Doesn’t want to involve the community in discussions about time out (Lachlan wants to take two days off – as MK agreed, he either wants out, or he wants to be in control – but he’s been here two and a half months so I reckon he’s due some time off). H seems very threatened by the idea of the community as a whole discussing anything – yesterday’s chapter meeting was chaotic, Catherine should not have talked openly to us as she did, everything should be referred to Laurence and Giovanni, too many emotions being expressed, although of course not hers. Heidi shouldn’t have told us how trouble we seemed to be in, even though everyone there agreed with her, apart from H. Even her idea of a day off (i.e. Sunday) is really a ‘community’ day, a family day. She seems unable to see how claustrophobic the ‘community’ becomes. She’s a bit like Lachlan, wants to control everything, and needs an authority to look after her. If not God, then Laurence. It’s funny how both she and Catherine seem to hold Giovanni in such regard, he seems such a fraud (that’s too harsh, just shallow) to me. MK trying, and mostly succeeding, in keeping the peace between H and I. We’ve sort of agreed (H very reluctantly) to meet as Deans tomorrow at 4pm, and have a proper Findhorn style share – talking stone, no ‘you’ speech. Go deep about what we feel about the community, and everything.
Her room after she’s gone. The caravan. I do not want to look like Catherine or Giovanni. I am a full member of the community until I leave, or they push me out. I can treat the caravan as my Hunting Lodge.
A ‘floating’ Deans’ meeting, in the hall, the cloister, outside the Chapel, below the East Wing. Henriette very emotional and triggery – me crossing my arms, ‘arguing’, reacting to her, waving a Victorinox knife around(I’d picked it up to take back to the kitchen), all very threatening. Doesn’t want to involve the community in discussions about time out (Lachlan wants to take two days off – as MK agreed, he either wants out, or he wants to be in control – but he’s been here two and a half months so I reckon he’s due some time off). H seems very threatened by the idea of the community as a whole discussing anything – yesterday’s chapter meeting was chaotic, Catherine should not have talked openly to us as she did, everything should be referred to Laurence and Giovanni, too many emotions being expressed, although of course not hers. Heidi shouldn’t have told us how trouble we seemed to be in, even though everyone there agreed with her, apart from H. Even her idea of a day off (i.e. Sunday) is really a ‘community’ day, a family day. She seems unable to see how claustrophobic the ‘community’ becomes. She’s a bit like Lachlan, wants to control everything, and needs an authority to look after her. If not God, then Laurence. It’s funny how both she and Catherine seem to hold Giovanni in such regard, he seems such a fraud (that’s too harsh, just shallow) to me. MK trying, and mostly succeeding, in keeping the peace between H and I. We’ve sort of agreed (H very reluctantly) to meet as Deans tomorrow at 4pm, and have a proper Findhorn style share – talking stone, no ‘you’ speech. Go deep about what we feel about the community, and everything.
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