1st February Day 247

That everyone is as stupid and confused as me - Jesus, Laurence, Benedict, the Dalai Lama, the Pope. Saints are not saints because they are better / cleverer / more enlightened. we are all saints, in our little ways.

i fall in to this mistake because I judge and compare. I want Laurence to be better / cleverer / gooder / more enlightened than me - then he can take it all off my shoulders. but there is only god for that, and god is all that we need. we just have to be like little children, as Jesus kept telling us.

Hebrews today - god's punishment. my guilt about sex, money, food. just about everything apart from alcohol. How strange the signals in my infancy and childhood must have been, that said drinking was fine, but practically everything else wasn't.

seed growing quietly in the dark. the mustard seed. two qualities of the kingdom - it's underground, and its very small, until it's everything.

joined everyone for meditation at noon, and then met with HH and M-DR for our Friday confab re all things Bonnevaux. A sense of rising panic. AC and I are failing to do enough. I must send more emails, and cc them to more people.

I was listening to someone talking about work yesterday, and how meetings and discussions seemed to take up all his time and he never had any time to do any thinking or planning. And I thought, I don't think meetings and discussions are work, i THINK THEY ARE A WASTE OF TIME. I should spend more time having meetings and discussions, and stop thinking I am not working. Clearly I am working, I just don't feel like I am. Most of the time.

Master Michel Jogen from our local Zen dojo visited this afternoon with some of his disciples. He said they had had a vision yesterday and wanted to come and see how we were getting on and whether we would like some chanting doing. I suggested he join us for the opening ceremony, that would be nice and ecumencial. Helen and Thomas are entertaining them and giving them tea.

I need a lot more sunshine and electricity. I think the gas heater uses a lot of electricity.

I need to clean my windows.

If you see the Word of God, disagree with it .