Monday December 10 Day 194

Link to Sacasas’ piece today on our experience of time

Thinking of having an electronic free Barcelona. Bring the phone but only turn it on for 5 minutes a day. No alarms, blogs, ebooks, writing (except by hand), news, nada. La B agrees. Might be a little like PC and I in Beaumaris, with our silence until midday (that was before the internet and smartphones were invented – at least 10 years ago).

Or even, leave the phone behind. Print out my tickets and go.

Ticked KC off for turning off the heater in the office / meditation room—she’s a menace and a busybody. She never clears up, she leaves doors open everywhere (including her own), she never puts things away where they’re supposed to go, she unplugged everything in the office just so she could use the printer. I wonder if she has any friends. Unfortunately ML is not going to be here long enough to see through her – at least most people were able to see through (or round or past) Rebecca sooner or later. And they were grown ups. KC says she babysat Mark Carney, which might explain a few things. I wonder how impressed with her LF is.

And too many don’ts in my meditation advice. Just don’t.

While meditating . . .

don’t cling

don’t repress, reject, explain away, change the subject

don’t react

just try to be aware

initially of course you will just notice how you do all these things, all the time.

R Rohr’s five things (from “Adam’s Return : the 5 promises of male initiation”)

1. life is hard
2. you are not that important
3. your life is not about you
4. you are not in control
5. you are going to die

What are the 5 positives or counters to these? See “Adam’s Return”

KC (yesterday) being an utter pain. Then it rained on her washing. I didn’t bring it in (she has the basket and the pegs). Tackled me about the pegs (“I like to do it my way” – really? Not “our” way? She just doesn’t like to be told what to do, particularly by a man, and particularly by “what’s his name”). You can imagine what I spent most of meditation doing.

KC this morning. She feels “bullied” and “patriarched”. Not very interested in how she makes me feel. ML backed her up (sort of) – said I was bossy, or too “definite / hard”.

How does she make me feel? Let me count the ways . . .

bullied

silenced

abused

insulted

ignored

humiliated

treated unfairly

not listened to

sneered at

dismissed

Talked to Belle for a half hour. Really great. Didn’t mention KC until right at the end. B very kind to me and about me, and me ditto to her. Was great to talk, and worth every penny.

Getting concerned about AC & DC. No-one’s heard from them for a while. They turned up happy as sandbags this afternoon. They’d had no internet / wifi / broadband or phone for a week, AC said. I don’t think he could have cared less. Good for him. Would have been nice to have been warned though.

KC cut up rough about putting my carefully purchased T40, T55, T80, T110 flours in one jar, because “I’m doing all the cooking”. I called her a stubborn woman and left quickly. Leave her to Andrew. Bit like “I’m doing it my way” re the clothes pegs, not our way or anyone else’s way, and definitely not any way I might suggest. She actually got cross with me for wanting to eat the remaining beetroot tops. And the joke is, she’s invited us all to three workshops on circle dialogues and compassionate listening. I’ll have to go, just to see what she says. The trouble is, she speaks the “code”, and uses it like a weapon. There really is no come back. Her remark the other day about my intelligence disenfranchising the working class was brilliant. She disenfranchises me all day every day. And anyone else who doesn’t play her game. I moaned with Belle about her. I was nearly sick on the keyboard upstairs after her little performance at this morning’s meeting (about bullying and patriarchy). I haven’t felt like that since living with PC (who has – or had – a lot in common with her). It was such a treat having a real conversation with Belle, even if I was paying for the privilege – which is absolutely fair enough. And she (Belle) would not have ended it if I hadn’t pointed out the time. It’s a bit like paying for sex, or therapy, or analysis. At least you get what you pay for, and you can complain if you don’t, and go elsewhere.

Bah Humbug