Note to self – do not run out of kindling and wood cut to the right length or less. You cannot chop kindling on the floor of the caravan. I lit this stove this morning more as an exercise – can I do it reasonably efficiently, in the dark, and get the thing up and running and cooking my porridge. Well I can but only because I had just enough shortish bits of wood and kindling, and most important, old candle wax / candle ends wrapped up in paper, which make brilliant firelighters. Anyway, warm as toast now.
Bird Box (Sandra Bullock) - excellent, very cry making (end of the world as we know it, only the blind survive)
Centurion – bit disappointing
Special Forces – very good
looking at the WCCM calendar for 2019 which is all pics of Bonnevaux. I’m like the invisible man which is quite strange. Lots of pics of SB in April and May. And one of the bike next to the chapel and my soyez tranquille sign. Like the pic PC took of AC, DC and TL, and me hidden behind A and D, quite invisible. Apart from A and D and J-CC I have been here longer and continuously than anyone else. It doesn’t distress me, it feels quite strange and special. Is it that I am not really here, not part of this community, or that little me, David Simpson, isn’t here, but the emptiness within me is?
KC being unbelievable. Wants to wake DC up to get yeast. I told her to wait until 8am when AC is up and check with him. She starts ticking me off because I'm supposed to say “I think you should . . .”. She just never stops telling other people what to say and do and how. I did think it was just me (it is I think mainly me) but her little lecturette on the gay bar and our language was a classic, ditto various sermons on food – what we all should eat, every day, and how much we should drink. Has no one ever told her?
La B not very happy last night. LF rang her and gave her the “good” news, i.e. that she can come, but he wants her to spend time with HH in London learning about the WCCM and community. I think she’s up for it, but LF was tired I suspect, and sounded a bit cool to B, not warm and welcoming, which he often isn’t, and she’s had a tough tense 3 days hanging on the end of a phone line waiting for news. I suppose I might have forewarned her, that the decision might not be quite what she was hoping for, and the suspicion is this is really some sort of test of how serious she is about Bonnevaux and the community, and not just coming here because I am here. And although I can understand her disappointment, because I feel it too, I also think it’s better, if tougher, this way. I meant it when I said to LF and the others yesterday, that here the community comes first, as it has to – it brought us together, and it is giving us a home, we don’t have the right to be here and expect it to conform to what we want. If we want something different, maybe we get there by living on the edge, renting a house nearby or camping in the caravan.
It was a good meeting yesterday (9:15 a.m. after croissants) – LF, HH, AC, DC et moi. LF said this was about the community and how SB and we as a couple would fit in, was SB welcome. Everyone unanimous she is a good thing (doh) and should be welcomed. LF then started asking hard questions, how would it be if things didn’t work out between SB and I, imposing the tumults of ‘young’ love on everyone else, as if the community doesn’t have enough to cope with. And although he didn’t say it, and I wouldn’t and couldn’t answer for B, how committed is she really. I might say the community comes first, but will she? But I’m glad he rang her last night, even if he was tired, not keeping her dangling. And maybe she’ll feel more positive about it this morning.
It’s now very very hot in here. I’ll have to open a window.
LF wants to go for a walk with me this morning. Got a few more jobs to do before I leave. Did the minutes for the Environment and Friday meetings, sorted out the ‘double glazing’ for the salon door, need to fix electrics in salon and kitchen, and fix the fireplace, and pack. Managed a shower last night which was lovely. Tidy up the caravan and leave it in reasonable order for when I get back, or if someone needs it while I’m gone. Still no electricity, but there’s been no sun for days – it was at least dry the last two days.
It was a good meeting yesterday (9:15 a.m. after croissants) – LF, HH, AC, DC et moi. LF said this was about the community and how SB and we as a couple would fit in, was SB welcome. Everyone unanimous she is a good thing (doh) and should be welcomed. LF then started asking hard questions, how would it be if things didn’t work out between SB and I, imposing the tumults of ‘young’ love on everyone else, as if the community doesn’t have enough to cope with. And although he didn’t say it, and I wouldn’t and couldn’t answer for B, how committed is she really. I might say the community comes first, but will she? But I’m glad he rang her last night, even if he was tired, not keeping her dangling. And maybe she’ll feel more positive about it this morning.
It’s now very very hot in here. I’ll have to open a window.
LF wants to go for a walk with me this morning. Got a few more jobs to do before I leave. Did the minutes for the Environment and Friday meetings, sorted out the ‘double glazing’ for the salon door, need to fix electrics in salon and kitchen, and fix the fireplace, and pack. Managed a shower last night which was lovely. Tidy up the caravan and leave it in reasonable order for when I get back, or if someone needs it while I’m gone. Still no electricity, but there’s been no sun for days – it was at least dry the last two days.
I thought about keeping LF in the dark about SB and I. I’ve said it was just that I wanted to tell him face to face and never got the chance. I realise now I may have engineered it too. The way I managed to tell everyone else, in descending order of importance, starting with Sandrine, about us, almost surrounding LF with people close to him, who knew, and he didn’t, and how that must have made him feel – out of control and a bit paranoid, I suspect.
Funny how he said quite definitely last night (I said something about the gilets jaunes) how only the elites could solve the world’s problems (and those are the ‘usual suspects’ like climate change, food, sustainability, Trump, Russia, what the MSM want us to keep looking at – not the real villains like the alienation of ordinary people, the detachment and arrogance of the elites – all those brilliant minds at the John Main Seminar in Bruges). Startling how unsophisticated and naive his political / sociological / even managerial lines of development are, and yet he appears to be so advanced spiritually. Morally? Funny attitude to money (other peoples’ that is). Where are my blind spots? Being nice / kind to people?
So excited about tomorrow and Boxing Day. Hope S is ok when she gets there, and the flat is nice. At least it’s close to the Bus Station.
KC seems a lot better. Happier now she has so much cooking to do. And pleased with herself for delivering her little workshops. And maybe, although she has no sense of humour, and not much sensitivity to what people around her are feeling, (I think DC heartily loathes her), she may finally have started to understand that mostly I am taking the piss, and not to be taken too seriously, most of the time. And some pushback from LF and others too.
Fags, week 2 going OK. As KC said, if anything, I’m less irritable, and no real sense of physical deprivation or dependency, and lots about it I really like – not having to smoke from first thing in the morning until last thing at night
better close down battery nearly flat
meditation less good – not smoking? More agitated. Lost that sense of being effortlessly in god’s playpen. Feel I should make an effort, focus on the mantra.
sleep good, breathing better, HH says I smell and sound much healthier.
Funny how he said quite definitely last night (I said something about the gilets jaunes) how only the elites could solve the world’s problems (and those are the ‘usual suspects’ like climate change, food, sustainability, Trump, Russia, what the MSM want us to keep looking at – not the real villains like the alienation of ordinary people, the detachment and arrogance of the elites – all those brilliant minds at the John Main Seminar in Bruges). Startling how unsophisticated and naive his political / sociological / even managerial lines of development are, and yet he appears to be so advanced spiritually. Morally? Funny attitude to money (other peoples’ that is). Where are my blind spots? Being nice / kind to people?
So excited about tomorrow and Boxing Day. Hope S is ok when she gets there, and the flat is nice. At least it’s close to the Bus Station.
KC seems a lot better. Happier now she has so much cooking to do. And pleased with herself for delivering her little workshops. And maybe, although she has no sense of humour, and not much sensitivity to what people around her are feeling, (I think DC heartily loathes her), she may finally have started to understand that mostly I am taking the piss, and not to be taken too seriously, most of the time. And some pushback from LF and others too.
Fags, week 2 going OK. As KC said, if anything, I’m less irritable, and no real sense of physical deprivation or dependency, and lots about it I really like – not having to smoke from first thing in the morning until last thing at night
better close down battery nearly flat
meditation less good – not smoking? More agitated. Lost that sense of being effortlessly in god’s playpen. Feel I should make an effort, focus on the mantra.
sleep good, breathing better, HH says I smell and sound much healthier.
Bird Box (Sandra Bullock) - excellent, very cry making (end of the world as we know it, only the blind survive)
Centurion – bit disappointing
Special Forces – very good
looking at the WCCM calendar for 2019 which is all pics of Bonnevaux. I’m like the invisible man which is quite strange. Lots of pics of SB in April and May. And one of the bike next to the chapel and my soyez tranquille sign. Like the pic PC took of AC, DC and TL, and me hidden behind A and D, quite invisible. Apart from A and D and J-CC I have been here longer and continuously than anyone else. It doesn’t distress me, it feels quite strange and special. Is it that I am not really here, not part of this community, or that little me, David Simpson, isn’t here, but the emptiness within me is?
KC being unbelievable. Wants to wake DC up to get yeast. I told her to wait until 8am when AC is up and check with him. She starts ticking me off because I'm supposed to say “I think you should . . .”. She just never stops telling other people what to say and do and how. I did think it was just me (it is I think mainly me) but her little lecturette on the gay bar and our language was a classic, ditto various sermons on food – what we all should eat, every day, and how much we should drink. Has no one ever told her?
KC says LF turned up for meditation at 7:15 - went off in a bit of a huff muttering about why no one had told him. Obviously the theme for the day - being too early and things being unready.
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