Tuesday 25 Sept Day 118

00:38  end of Thomas project according to Philippe. Philippe kicking Thomas into touch. I didn`t think he was even a meditator, but he seems to be taking Laurence`s side (because Laurence doesn't want him / feel he`s part of the community, Thomas must go)

02:38 preparing for Vietnam. Hiring a car. 

03:27 Tues 6am. my lovely dream - all my friends from Essex  and Sukie. My complete separation from them - a closed off period / place

04:11 Delyth`s blood pressure.  Andrew`s worries. His secret memo to Sandrine.

06:18 talking to Kathy from Washington last night. Her healing by the `angel`. Her phD at Oxford.

08:25 was it just ego that made me publish my blogs on Sunday? or just a desire for the whole truth to be there, my donald crowhurst record to be complete. we are all don crowhursts, floating alone in the north atlantic, peddling our fantasies / personas to the world, dying inside.

11:30 Susanne about my `dream`, being mildly negative about these recordings. 

16:25 talking to myself about myself

getting found out through this blog and being expelled from the Garden of Eden

18:37 I`m an almost permanent mistake

19:22 [Not on the recording . . . 

i am so much more free now of the desire to impress, succeed, con the world, maybe even myself

i dont want people to think badly off me. i dont care so much if they think well of me - altho everything nice that sandrine said last night seemed laughably wide of the mark. moi, calme? ha

rebecca`s 6pm meditation. her lovely voice

saying goodbye to Isabel

difficulty of not speaking french

heidi a friend on facebook

sandrine saying how calm I am

The disappearance of Emily. Thomas and Mareike talking on the sofa in the salon. About meditation and spirituality she said later. And Thomas talking tonight (Thursday) about his being drawn in to Christianity by his time here. Hurt that people would think he wasn`t committed to this place, how he felt he`d been sent here from New Zealand.