Saturday 8 September. Day 101.

Thurs 6 Sept. Day 99 to Sat Day 101

Thursday. waking up at 6:30am. feeling dead odd. no headache. very `tired`. cup of tea helps, a lot. 

editing and adding to Tues / Wed recording

thinking about the anima/animus

Thomas and I alone in the chapel at 7:15

stomping into morning meeting being all manly and firm. H and H went off to town, Emily went to bed so I spent all day being manly and firm with myself, quite successfully I felt. Bit of a wobble in the pm - very tempted to give up and just lie there listening to podcasts. The cats tried to eat my lunch so I put it on top of the fridge and then forgot about it. Had it for tea instead.

updating my blog - all morning

doing the accounts. coming up with the figure I gave Philippe back in June

knocking down the pig sties

[00:11]sat 6am. alarms. taking Thomas to the gare.

[01:46]Friday announcement of my `discovery` of anima/animus. clumsy account at supper.  explaining (a  bloke using what inevitably sounded like sexist language to 3 feminists - we need a different term for the animus / masculine anima /feminine that doesn't confuse physical gender and all its history and politics with simply being whole human beings)

[03:48]Heidi and my history with Sukie and Pol. my `failure` (why not `ours`?). Ma and Da.

2 connections / parallels. Da`s weakness with animus possessed Ma. Our frustration with him.  He was just bitter, resentful, self pitying = all aspects of anima possession. My modelling Da`s behaviour with S & P.

[10:12]chicken & egg - my weakness, their anger, a spiral into disaster. 

[13:20]my experience of the woman possessed

[13:39]not unique to me ./ us. the inner children fighting with each other. The whole of Western / developed society is a collection of needy children. 

[16:06]such a shame no therapist saw it (Maybe the Tavistock woman did). My experience here, esp the last few weeks. My reverting to anima possession.

[17:10]Friday - a useful day. Positive anyway. Day 100. `Interstellar`

the child saving the father, in turn him saving the child. circularity. Rescuing the `failed` relationships

[21:31]Jim Green tomorrow. Henriette`s plans. `not` tidying up the salon. HH dismantling the kitchen. All of them working away at 10pm at night (H, Heidi, Thomas. Only Emily had gone to bed)

[23:19]No Thomas.  

[26:08]The collapse of the modern world. NB gender dysphoria / identity issues.

[28:27]I am not after all useless (and maybe better after than before)

[29:35]Personas. Long term, stable relationships. Nervous breakdown - collapse of the persona.

[31:47]The Ryanair nightmare.

Cold  and very dark at 6am.