Sat Sun 8 / 9 September Day 101 - 102
nothing wrong with repairing the ego
progress after breakdowns (of relationships)
facing (not running away from / hiding in a bottle)
1 depression
2 apathy and self pity (NOT apatheia)
3 commitment and responsibility
4 anima possession
being hidden (in e.g. the photo Pol took of A & D & Thomas, and me completely obscured behind the vast bulk of Andrew and Delyth). Dropping out of meetings. Not `volunteering`. Being of no account, significance, use, value. Humility? Reality really - I`m just not v important or useful. Or the anima taking hold?
talking to Jim on Sunday. Very helpful (he`d listened to my recording about the dysfunctional anima). Recommended two books by Richard Rohr which I`ve bought on Kindle.
Tuesday 8:30 am - feeling incipient overwhelm (car, dam, sty, accounts, book(s) )
21:30 - talking to Andrew about Laurence`s management techniques. Wonder what Sandrine thinks? Who really made me chair of the environment committee? Comparing Laurence`s and Hitler`s approaches.
lovely reply from Felicity - try leaving a whatsapp recording for her
2 weeks and 2 days until I leave for basel and vietnam. what must I get done?
Thursday 20 Sept Day 113
8:30am. Phone call yesterday from Felicity. Snail on my window. The empty wasps` nest. Haircut, shave, shower. A lather of desire. The two Rhine maidens. Then I realise S is a third (Basel is practically the source - everyone says it is very beautiful)
The snail is going back the way it came.
A series of downbeat films - Off Piste, Gods and Men, Wild Wild Country - life does not have happy endings, necessarily. The last two both documentaries / true stories. Belle talking about facing difficult choices. Me telling her the story of the horse called Disappointment. Funny how thematic things seem to be here - everything about a subject, even all the shenanigans at the weekend - the politicking, LF making me chair, the `violence` all the French talked about.
Andrew`s grumpiness / disappointment that he owes Bonnevaux (even after treating all his transfers as his `allowance` he still owes several hundred euros) when he thought BV owed him.
Finish the accounts. Read the Thomas papers (there`s another incipient mess). Sort out the pig sty. Get ready for Vietnam.
And now the snail has disappeared - where`s he / she going?(they are androgynous) What`s she looking for?
Angel cards at the morning meeting. I got Efficiency! Ha. Rebecca got Obedience. Ha! Ha! Emily - Joy. Marieke - presence. Isabel - Awakening and Strength (she does look and sound like a very tough Spanish female tennis player) Andrew - Tenderness; and an Angel holding a cat. I`m hiding under my desk with a very full Out tray and an empty In tray. If only! Thomas wants to talk to me about the farm. Everyone wants to talk to me about the farm. There`s a very French looking dossier of things `about the farm` - incredibly fat and flowery.
My Exit picture from Mr B arrived. Very nice. Need to glaze and frame it.
I`m bringing my canna lily in at night. So cold Friday night I nearly got a blanket out. Overfilled my hospital bedpan - I must have the most enormous bladder, I didn`t even feel that desperate. Sheets needed a wash in any case.
Saturday 22 Sept. Day 115.
Watched the end of Mary Magdalene with Marieke. Isabel bailed out before the bitter end (she said she wasn`t happy about portrayals of `masters` and they were fairly conventional about Jesus), Rebecca just twitched about and then missed the last supper and the end. Every move she makes seems to radiate violence and anger; it`s extraordinary. And she covered herself up in Pol`s photo - she does look amazingly cross. Emily cooked us all supper and went up to bed with her book - she`s reading `Shadow of the Wind`. Isabel thought I was younger than 65, maybe 55, which is nice. I think Marieke liked the film. I liked watching her twirl her feet. I thought it was excellent, if a bit feminist-politique - Mary being a fisherman - and a lot of unnecessary negro apostles. A very Jewish priest in the Temple scene, which I thought was a bit off (Gospel of John - the Jews did it). The Temple was very impressive. Judas was pitched well. The other apostles all written as very thick, apart from John (I assume). None of them got Jesus, even after the crucifixion. Mother Mary good too. No direct quotes from the New Testament, apart from the Our Father, but it may have been using the Gospel of Mary. Jesus was good, but not very jolly, until the last scene with Mary.
Reading Richard Rohr`s From Wild Man to Wise Man which is brilliant. Highlighting every paragraph.
Dimitri can`t fix my car. I might chance it anyway - I`ve parked it at the top of the hill so I can jump start it. D. thinks I`ve fucked the starter motor - difficult to extract, and where to get a replacement. Need a tow rope, tyre jack and spanner. I`ve booked a visit to Jung`s house with Susanne on Thursday 4th. Sort out travel insurance. Ask Belle if she knows somewhere I can park my car for a month. Ask Johnny how he made the dam and reservoir at Imbil.
Got the accounts sorted. Do the cashflow in the morning , then look at the Thomas file and talk to Sandrine.
nothing wrong with repairing the ego
progress after breakdowns (of relationships)
facing (not running away from / hiding in a bottle)
1 depression
2 apathy and self pity (NOT apatheia)
3 commitment and responsibility
4 anima possession
being hidden (in e.g. the photo Pol took of A & D & Thomas, and me completely obscured behind the vast bulk of Andrew and Delyth). Dropping out of meetings. Not `volunteering`. Being of no account, significance, use, value. Humility? Reality really - I`m just not v important or useful. Or the anima taking hold?
talking to Jim on Sunday. Very helpful (he`d listened to my recording about the dysfunctional anima). Recommended two books by Richard Rohr which I`ve bought on Kindle.
Tuesday 8:30 am - feeling incipient overwhelm (car, dam, sty, accounts, book(s) )
21:30 - talking to Andrew about Laurence`s management techniques. Wonder what Sandrine thinks? Who really made me chair of the environment committee? Comparing Laurence`s and Hitler`s approaches.
lovely reply from Felicity - try leaving a whatsapp recording for her
2 weeks and 2 days until I leave for basel and vietnam. what must I get done?
Thursday 20 Sept Day 113
8:30am. Phone call yesterday from Felicity. Snail on my window. The empty wasps` nest. Haircut, shave, shower. A lather of desire. The two Rhine maidens. Then I realise S is a third (Basel is practically the source - everyone says it is very beautiful)
The snail is going back the way it came.
A series of downbeat films - Off Piste, Gods and Men, Wild Wild Country - life does not have happy endings, necessarily. The last two both documentaries / true stories. Belle talking about facing difficult choices. Me telling her the story of the horse called Disappointment. Funny how thematic things seem to be here - everything about a subject, even all the shenanigans at the weekend - the politicking, LF making me chair, the `violence` all the French talked about.
Andrew`s grumpiness / disappointment that he owes Bonnevaux (even after treating all his transfers as his `allowance` he still owes several hundred euros) when he thought BV owed him.
Finish the accounts. Read the Thomas papers (there`s another incipient mess). Sort out the pig sty. Get ready for Vietnam.
And now the snail has disappeared - where`s he / she going?(they are androgynous) What`s she looking for?
Angel cards at the morning meeting. I got Efficiency! Ha. Rebecca got Obedience. Ha! Ha! Emily - Joy. Marieke - presence. Isabel - Awakening and Strength (she does look and sound like a very tough Spanish female tennis player) Andrew - Tenderness; and an Angel holding a cat. I`m hiding under my desk with a very full Out tray and an empty In tray. If only! Thomas wants to talk to me about the farm. Everyone wants to talk to me about the farm. There`s a very French looking dossier of things `about the farm` - incredibly fat and flowery.
My Exit picture from Mr B arrived. Very nice. Need to glaze and frame it.
I`m bringing my canna lily in at night. So cold Friday night I nearly got a blanket out. Overfilled my hospital bedpan - I must have the most enormous bladder, I didn`t even feel that desperate. Sheets needed a wash in any case.
Saturday 22 Sept. Day 115.
Watched the end of Mary Magdalene with Marieke. Isabel bailed out before the bitter end (she said she wasn`t happy about portrayals of `masters` and they were fairly conventional about Jesus), Rebecca just twitched about and then missed the last supper and the end. Every move she makes seems to radiate violence and anger; it`s extraordinary. And she covered herself up in Pol`s photo - she does look amazingly cross. Emily cooked us all supper and went up to bed with her book - she`s reading `Shadow of the Wind`. Isabel thought I was younger than 65, maybe 55, which is nice. I think Marieke liked the film. I liked watching her twirl her feet. I thought it was excellent, if a bit feminist-politique - Mary being a fisherman - and a lot of unnecessary negro apostles. A very Jewish priest in the Temple scene, which I thought was a bit off (Gospel of John - the Jews did it). The Temple was very impressive. Judas was pitched well. The other apostles all written as very thick, apart from John (I assume). None of them got Jesus, even after the crucifixion. Mother Mary good too. No direct quotes from the New Testament, apart from the Our Father, but it may have been using the Gospel of Mary. Jesus was good, but not very jolly, until the last scene with Mary.
Reading Richard Rohr`s From Wild Man to Wise Man which is brilliant. Highlighting every paragraph.
Dimitri can`t fix my car. I might chance it anyway - I`ve parked it at the top of the hill so I can jump start it. D. thinks I`ve fucked the starter motor - difficult to extract, and where to get a replacement. Need a tow rope, tyre jack and spanner. I`ve booked a visit to Jung`s house with Susanne on Thursday 4th. Sort out travel insurance. Ask Belle if she knows somewhere I can park my car for a month. Ask Johnny how he made the dam and reservoir at Imbil.
Got the accounts sorted. Do the cashflow in the morning , then look at the Thomas file and talk to Sandrine.
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