underlying anxiety and paranoia, always present, from when I was 6 or earlier. for which drink seemed an effective anaesthetic. now I have nothing to be anxious about, and not much to be paranoid about, so all I have is the feeling. In most of my adult life, I always had shedloads to worry over. Mania - retreat of anxiety, depression - its return in an overwhelming wave.
Thursday 12 July Day 43
to do list done. tent base. water pump. bridge. med at 12. signs. m-d to station. missed rule (on the needs of others). email from susanne,and reply. laurence cross with us at 6pm med for not doing it as he'd tolf us (quite rightly - no one following Andrew's lead). arrival of Augustine. Rebecca dramas. Alsion knows Sophie / Zilla (she lives sin Norton sub H) and Cahrles.
promised H I'd join her for med at 6.15 in chapel and help herin the garden after. meeting with L at 9am.
publishing my podcasts - should really listen to them. one almost inaudible.
nb photos of tent
Friday 13 July Day 44
Talk to Jim Green today at 5. Zoom meeting at 1pm.
Alarm at 5.30. Very strange gothic dream. Andrew Kerry and some version of Karen (much younger) involved. Very elaborate set design. I should have recorded my memory of it at the time. At one point me, Karen and Kerry all in a strange black sheeted bed at the same time but he had some sort of headache. K and I making love and then got up and snuck off to another bed to be on our own. How strange and creative our minds are. And very colourful.
Henriette has aksed me to lookafter Brigitte and Gerard. He's back on the bottle again and she's very upset about it. I sent Susanne a long(ish) reply to hers last night. It was good to hear back from her so quickly. Finish up the tent this morning, and then try and sort out The Second Coming for Lulu.
Thursday 12 July Day 43
to do list done. tent base. water pump. bridge. med at 12. signs. m-d to station. missed rule (on the needs of others). email from susanne,and reply. laurence cross with us at 6pm med for not doing it as he'd tolf us (quite rightly - no one following Andrew's lead). arrival of Augustine. Rebecca dramas. Alsion knows Sophie / Zilla (she lives sin Norton sub H) and Cahrles.
promised H I'd join her for med at 6.15 in chapel and help herin the garden after. meeting with L at 9am.
publishing my podcasts - should really listen to them. one almost inaudible.
nb photos of tent
Friday 13 July Day 44
Talk to Jim Green today at 5. Zoom meeting at 1pm.
Alarm at 5.30. Very strange gothic dream. Andrew Kerry and some version of Karen (much younger) involved. Very elaborate set design. I should have recorded my memory of it at the time. At one point me, Karen and Kerry all in a strange black sheeted bed at the same time but he had some sort of headache. K and I making love and then got up and snuck off to another bed to be on our own. How strange and creative our minds are. And very colourful.
Henriette has aksed me to lookafter Brigitte and Gerard. He's back on the bottle again and she's very upset about it. I sent Susanne a long(ish) reply to hers last night. It was good to hear back from her so quickly. Finish up the tent this morning, and then try and sort out The Second Coming for Lulu.
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