Friday 13 July
great talk with Jim Green. anxiety and paranoia and foxholes and community and living with strangers, the power and value of the rule, the rightness of my postulancy
Sat 14
Angel cards (randomly posted to Rebecca)
Andrew - creativity
David - Balance (which is all I really talked to Jim about yesterday)
Anna - Depth
Alison - Forgiveness
Augustine - Discernment
Rebecca - Harmony
(from Findhorn. Very strange . . .)
up at 5.45, med in chapel with Andrew at (6:20 - I was late, making a flask of coffee), watering the potager until 8, showing Andrew how the pump works. Courgettes, 2nd crop spuds, maize, tomatoes. One sunflower with neck rot. A large vole. A tiny frog. Dawn at 6:30.
Pastille Day. Thierry's tapas evening is fully cooked. So it's going to be sausages.
Sunday 15. Woke up at 2 and couldn't go back to sleep so went and fiddled with TSC until morning meditation. I spent all day not doing The Second Coming and then ran out of time. Copied everything back to my Chrome so's I could finish it in England. Did my laundry and tidied the caravan. Took Alison and Anna and Augustin ('the AAAs') to Liguge for mass. Showed Alison the crypt and the frescos in the bell tower and then drove around through Iteuil after a coffee in the backstreets of Liguge. Went down to the grottes at Camp Alaric and explored a lovely little valley, perfect picnic spot with a little stream to paddle in, then back via Vivonne where we had a nice lunch in the 3rd, so far untried, pizzeria. I had what I thought was going to be carbonara, but which was actually carbonara pizza, surprisingly good, I treated them (well asked them each for 10 euros and made up the difference. Then home via Le Berson and Gege's reservoir. A very nice day, especially considering how knackered I was.
Monday 16.
jp https://youtu.be/qG0qzeTXNGo?t=529
niall ferguson on the dark web https://youtu.be/MdeFJ4WCqhk?t=2
blair https://youtu.be/3xCWDYrV0ug?t=1347
1st December - anti-Christmas at Felicity's. Everyone will be there.
call Susanna Melzer
Oscar - 'Absent Friends'. Stone.
It turns out I am a phenomenological existentialist. Ryan Kemp "Transcending Addiction" (lent by Hattrick). Very good - I wrote last night (Thursday 26 July) he has identified all the components - lying, isolation, excessive individualism, alienation from self, body, social relations, the world - but somehow assembles them in the wrong order. 1. He is talking about serious addicts (very low bottoms). 2. He is not himself sober, as Belle would put it. He is looking in from outside, although his phenomenological approach is precisely to work from the addict's lived experience (and not metaphysics such as unconscious drives and urges). 3. He comes across as very judgemental (especially about lying / untruth) as if all of us are not in one way or another lying to ourselves, hiding from ourselves. He does get it right when he says for the addict rock bottom is when we stop lying to ourselves. Although that window may not remain open for very long, which is why recovery is problematic - my problems with AA. I wanted to start lying to myself, about myself, again, as soon as I got sober. As Kemp says, just because the addict has stopped using, doesn't mean one has stopped being an addictive personality.
Sunday 22 - 3rd coat on Steve's shed. book to lulu. make pdf.
Monday 23 July - safe home in Bonnevaux after nightmare drive to catch my flight and return the car - just made the flight in time. Do not attempt to navigate cross country without a map, GPS, Satnav or compass - the sun alone doesn't hack it.
Friday 27 July. Collected Tom from Le Centre Poitou at 5.50 for meditation. He is a Syriac Christian from Kerala, decsended from one of the first four families converted by Thomas. Also a mechanical engineer who built/builds PV components for solar panels. Built a solar power station in Metz(?) for the French and another in Germany. He joined John Main's lay community in Ealing in 1976 while he was doing his master's thesis at London University, and then went with JM and Laurence to Montreal with 2 or 3 others to start the Montreal Community at the invitation of the Archbishop of Montreal. Was there when JM died (1982) but left before the end to do a job. Has a house in Austin TX and Ontario (?). Doesn't like Western music - JM said he had a hearing problem! Holds US and Canadian citizenship. I asked him about the end of the Montreal community (messy, apparently) but he just said all communities have their ups and downs and things can go any way. A very modest seeming man. Clearly very proud of his Syriac heritage.
I played Marie Louise Schmidt's trio on the car CD. Nice gentle jazz, no vocals (as yet).
Rescued the bees trapped in the larder by my fly screen. Wayne was very worried about them last night, he said workers only go out with enough food for the trip so they would starve / die if not ushered out. I caught them all in a jamjar and they flew off SW towards the wood beyond my caravan / Rebecca's tent.
Andrew happy with his chat with Laurence ('you're the boss, if you say she goes, I won't countermand you') but seems to be getting into his role as hard cheese boss. Barked at me this am about the extension lead that J-C had run up to his tool shed to fix his log splitter. Our AM meeting today might be interesting.
Walked Pol back to La Cadoue under the full moon after supper. She's calmed down about her NZ trip and the dreaded itinerary (which is far too busy and expensive, especially for Emily - they're just going to keep their hire car and drive around North Island after their week with the Fishers at Rotorua). She now has a very screamy 18 month old with harassed parents sleeping next to her and she says the breakfasts aren't great and they don't tidy her room every day. She was going to come up here early and breakfast here but no sign as yet. Dennis and Lizzy Ripley are coming down to join us for lunch.
Everyone's leaving - Tom this am, by train, Wayne and Esther by car back to Frankfurt and Vancouver, Henriette Ryanair this pm. So Andrew and Rebecca can fight it out, and Thomas and Pol and I can cheer them on.
Anne Lam and her husband have given us $350,000. This means we will definitely be evicted from the farmhouse at the end of September.
July 31. Chill night. Full moon waning. Dawn now 6:45. Pol leaves today. Didn't sleep well and was v grumpy all day yesterday and mean to Pol (we were cooking dinner for everyone together, and we never did work out how to work together in the kitchen i.e. I never let her be in the kitchen at the same time as me). Anyway, took her to the Gare to catch her train and she had an easy journey and was home by 7pm. It's been a nice week.
Aug 1. Didn't get up for morning med. Andrew on his own (fortunately he did get up) with a random visitor who joined us on her way north. Sam's leaving. Patty (Patricia from Barcelona) has arrived. For the first time since I've been here I found myself sitting at the table as the only Englishman, surrounded by the French, which was lovely. I count Sam as French - he's actually Australian / Dutch but has lived in France for 7 years and has just done his Bacc and is quite happy in French. Francoise and Jacques Richard, Thomas Litzler, Jean Christophe Chauvineau, Sam Angus/Leslie/some Dutch name, Max from Coulombiers, and little me. I showed Thomas how to use a set of scales, he found the whole concept very strange. He has given me the name of a good dentist in Liguge. The fucking alarm has gone (3pm), so I must go back and carry on posting invoices, and then cook dinner for 7.
Giles Fraser on Unherd on Jonathan Boyarin, a Talmudic scholar who says the Christians have nicked Jesus.
Friday August 3. Day 64.
Very hot, dangerously so today apparently. The river's still cool and clean (I think). I had a dip before meditation last night which was lovely. Despite my firm resolve to go to bed in daylight, I ended up watching the first episode of American Gods, as recommended by Australian Sam, which was fun (i.e. sound and moving pictures), but I'm not sure I'm happy with the theology, or watching an endless boxed series. I can't watch it on my Chrome because it's too old and cannot be upgraded.
My Astra's stranded up at the gatehouse. Bill Aback (Canadian, builder, northern Ontario) was using the tools so drove it up there. Steering locked and now we can't get it unlocked or started. Brigitte knows a Russian mechanic who might be able to sort it out, although that feels a bit wet. I feel I should at least have a go.
Some recordings and photos to follow.
great talk with Jim Green. anxiety and paranoia and foxholes and community and living with strangers, the power and value of the rule, the rightness of my postulancy
Sat 14
Angel cards (randomly posted to Rebecca)
Andrew - creativity
David - Balance (which is all I really talked to Jim about yesterday)
Anna - Depth
Alison - Forgiveness
Augustine - Discernment
Rebecca - Harmony
(from Findhorn. Very strange . . .)
up at 5.45, med in chapel with Andrew at (6:20 - I was late, making a flask of coffee), watering the potager until 8, showing Andrew how the pump works. Courgettes, 2nd crop spuds, maize, tomatoes. One sunflower with neck rot. A large vole. A tiny frog. Dawn at 6:30.
Pastille Day. Thierry's tapas evening is fully cooked. So it's going to be sausages.
Sunday 15. Woke up at 2 and couldn't go back to sleep so went and fiddled with TSC until morning meditation. I spent all day not doing The Second Coming and then ran out of time. Copied everything back to my Chrome so's I could finish it in England. Did my laundry and tidied the caravan. Took Alison and Anna and Augustin ('the AAAs') to Liguge for mass. Showed Alison the crypt and the frescos in the bell tower and then drove around through Iteuil after a coffee in the backstreets of Liguge. Went down to the grottes at Camp Alaric and explored a lovely little valley, perfect picnic spot with a little stream to paddle in, then back via Vivonne where we had a nice lunch in the 3rd, so far untried, pizzeria. I had what I thought was going to be carbonara, but which was actually carbonara pizza, surprisingly good, I treated them (well asked them each for 10 euros and made up the difference. Then home via Le Berson and Gege's reservoir. A very nice day, especially considering how knackered I was.
Monday 16.
jp https://youtu.be/qG0qzeTXNGo?t=529
niall ferguson on the dark web https://youtu.be/MdeFJ4WCqhk?t=2
blair https://youtu.be/3xCWDYrV0ug?t=1347
1st December - anti-Christmas at Felicity's. Everyone will be there.
call Susanna Melzer
Oscar - 'Absent Friends'. Stone.
It turns out I am a phenomenological existentialist. Ryan Kemp "Transcending Addiction" (lent by Hattrick). Very good - I wrote last night (Thursday 26 July) he has identified all the components - lying, isolation, excessive individualism, alienation from self, body, social relations, the world - but somehow assembles them in the wrong order. 1. He is talking about serious addicts (very low bottoms). 2. He is not himself sober, as Belle would put it. He is looking in from outside, although his phenomenological approach is precisely to work from the addict's lived experience (and not metaphysics such as unconscious drives and urges). 3. He comes across as very judgemental (especially about lying / untruth) as if all of us are not in one way or another lying to ourselves, hiding from ourselves. He does get it right when he says for the addict rock bottom is when we stop lying to ourselves. Although that window may not remain open for very long, which is why recovery is problematic - my problems with AA. I wanted to start lying to myself, about myself, again, as soon as I got sober. As Kemp says, just because the addict has stopped using, doesn't mean one has stopped being an addictive personality.
Sunday 22 - 3rd coat on Steve's shed. book to lulu. make pdf.
Monday 23 July - safe home in Bonnevaux after nightmare drive to catch my flight and return the car - just made the flight in time. Do not attempt to navigate cross country without a map, GPS, Satnav or compass - the sun alone doesn't hack it.
Friday 27 July. Collected Tom from Le Centre Poitou at 5.50 for meditation. He is a Syriac Christian from Kerala, decsended from one of the first four families converted by Thomas. Also a mechanical engineer who built/builds PV components for solar panels. Built a solar power station in Metz(?) for the French and another in Germany. He joined John Main's lay community in Ealing in 1976 while he was doing his master's thesis at London University, and then went with JM and Laurence to Montreal with 2 or 3 others to start the Montreal Community at the invitation of the Archbishop of Montreal. Was there when JM died (1982) but left before the end to do a job. Has a house in Austin TX and Ontario (?). Doesn't like Western music - JM said he had a hearing problem! Holds US and Canadian citizenship. I asked him about the end of the Montreal community (messy, apparently) but he just said all communities have their ups and downs and things can go any way. A very modest seeming man. Clearly very proud of his Syriac heritage.
I played Marie Louise Schmidt's trio on the car CD. Nice gentle jazz, no vocals (as yet).
Rescued the bees trapped in the larder by my fly screen. Wayne was very worried about them last night, he said workers only go out with enough food for the trip so they would starve / die if not ushered out. I caught them all in a jamjar and they flew off SW towards the wood beyond my caravan / Rebecca's tent.
Andrew happy with his chat with Laurence ('you're the boss, if you say she goes, I won't countermand you') but seems to be getting into his role as hard cheese boss. Barked at me this am about the extension lead that J-C had run up to his tool shed to fix his log splitter. Our AM meeting today might be interesting.
Walked Pol back to La Cadoue under the full moon after supper. She's calmed down about her NZ trip and the dreaded itinerary (which is far too busy and expensive, especially for Emily - they're just going to keep their hire car and drive around North Island after their week with the Fishers at Rotorua). She now has a very screamy 18 month old with harassed parents sleeping next to her and she says the breakfasts aren't great and they don't tidy her room every day. She was going to come up here early and breakfast here but no sign as yet. Dennis and Lizzy Ripley are coming down to join us for lunch.
Everyone's leaving - Tom this am, by train, Wayne and Esther by car back to Frankfurt and Vancouver, Henriette Ryanair this pm. So Andrew and Rebecca can fight it out, and Thomas and Pol and I can cheer them on.
Anne Lam and her husband have given us $350,000. This means we will definitely be evicted from the farmhouse at the end of September.
July 31. Chill night. Full moon waning. Dawn now 6:45. Pol leaves today. Didn't sleep well and was v grumpy all day yesterday and mean to Pol (we were cooking dinner for everyone together, and we never did work out how to work together in the kitchen i.e. I never let her be in the kitchen at the same time as me). Anyway, took her to the Gare to catch her train and she had an easy journey and was home by 7pm. It's been a nice week.
 |
| Under the walls of Chauvigny with Pol |
Aug 1. Didn't get up for morning med. Andrew on his own (fortunately he did get up) with a random visitor who joined us on her way north. Sam's leaving. Patty (Patricia from Barcelona) has arrived. For the first time since I've been here I found myself sitting at the table as the only Englishman, surrounded by the French, which was lovely. I count Sam as French - he's actually Australian / Dutch but has lived in France for 7 years and has just done his Bacc and is quite happy in French. Francoise and Jacques Richard, Thomas Litzler, Jean Christophe Chauvineau, Sam Angus/Leslie/some Dutch name, Max from Coulombiers, and little me. I showed Thomas how to use a set of scales, he found the whole concept very strange. He has given me the name of a good dentist in Liguge. The fucking alarm has gone (3pm), so I must go back and carry on posting invoices, and then cook dinner for 7.
Giles Fraser on Unherd on Jonathan Boyarin, a Talmudic scholar who says the Christians have nicked Jesus.
Friday August 3. Day 64.
Very hot, dangerously so today apparently. The river's still cool and clean (I think). I had a dip before meditation last night which was lovely. Despite my firm resolve to go to bed in daylight, I ended up watching the first episode of American Gods, as recommended by Australian Sam, which was fun (i.e. sound and moving pictures), but I'm not sure I'm happy with the theology, or watching an endless boxed series. I can't watch it on my Chrome because it's too old and cannot be upgraded.
My Astra's stranded up at the gatehouse. Bill Aback (Canadian, builder, northern Ontario) was using the tools so drove it up there. Steering locked and now we can't get it unlocked or started. Brigitte knows a Russian mechanic who might be able to sort it out, although that feels a bit wet. I feel I should at least have a go.
Some recordings and photos to follow.
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