Day 4 / 0. Wednesday 30.May.2018 (contd . . )

pollo sarsa. A half bottle on Monbazillac (in the fridge, left over from Saturday, nice pudding wine) - half in the stew, half in me. A glass of red with supper. A slurp of 'white rum' on the way to bed. And back for another about 11 - I am a bit pissed. 9:40. I bet Andrew that Laurence would not arrive before 9:50 (5 euros). We'll see. Delyth going into overdrive. I've been here before, premies waiting for Guru Maharaji to arrive. Not sure I want this. I don't want the other either. Brushed teeth. In caravan. The pollo sarsa was perfect, and I really enjoyed coooking it all. I missed meditation. C/Kathy wanted to fling it all in a heap and make a soup. Would probably be nice, but I felt it was not very complimentary. It was funny watching her / Delyth / Rita (not so much, she was doing nice flower arranging) boxing with each other, owning the kitchen, the cooking, the 'what I'm cooking especially for Laurence tomorrow'. Is he rotting from devotion? I've been here before - Monte Oliveto, 10 years ago, telling him to retire, after my motorbike accident, starting to drink again, my first retreat at Monte Oliveto, and with him, feeling like I was wading across an enormous grey smelly landfill site all week. I arrived high as a kite (I'd started my first AA session 6 weeks earlier) and Giovanni fixed my neck/head with some rolfing manoevre, and I had an apppointment with Laurence but had sent the note instead.

Andrew owes me €5 - it's 9:54, and no show. 'He' had appeared on site Andrew claimed, but not at the house. So I said let's call it quits. Is it me, or them? It's very human, but is there any distinction between Der Fuehrer and Our Lord, and is either comparison appropriate in any case? Delyth suddenly leaping into life, and shoving Cathy aside, was very Mary and Martha, and just as unedifying, as, thinking about it, was Jesus' recorded reaction, unless of course you thought Jesus was the Son of Man, which the gospel writer obviously did. If you see the Buddha, kill him.

Or. Was Judas just jealous? Or did he have a point?

Fix the tyre on the Astra. Sort out the fridge and electrics. Install the woodburner. Leave. Ask for my money back. (no - absolutely nothing owed by or to me or anyone.) Went to sleep soon after 11. Turned off all my alarms.

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