Actually Sunday night, quarter to midnight.
A nice heart to heart with Susannah, from Karlsruhe. About addictions, and Scotland, and heroes (Romy Schneider, David Bowie, the Floez Family, Eddie Reader, The Pogues, Douglas Adams) and Greece. She's a practising homeopath, but all her patients have gone (just for the Pentecost holiday - the Germans get two weeks) so she's able to be here. I think she's the National Director for Germany. And Karlsruhe only sounds like the Ruhr. It's the city of law in SW Germany.
She and Kathy are addicted to Outlander and got quite girly about the leading man. Drooly in fact.
I spoke about addictions - the pointlessness of giving up an addiction, if one does not also give up the addict's idea that this (drink, chocolate, film, act of meaningless sex, fag) is going to fix anything, to cheer us up, or reward us, or extend the good feeling / experience we are having, or blank the pain. If I don't drink (which for me is a good thing in itself) but just start smoking more addictively, less mindfully, than before, I'm no better off spiritually or emotionally - I've just transferred my affections to something else, while remaining just as stupid and obsessive as before. There is still a considerable amount of that old me, Belle's wolfie, hanging around, waiting for his chance.
A bit whacked. Trying too hard to be the life and soul, and being as high as a kite. It was lovely to meditate together in the chapel for the first time this evening (for me, I've managed to avoid morning and midday today - actually midday didn't happen, church didn't finish until 11:30 and then we were preparing a proper French lunch courtesy of Thierry from the Bar / bistrot Medard - our local saint apparently). I need to do some hard physical all day work, and unwind a little. We had lots of singing, especially Susannah singing Taize, and Frederique and Marie Dominique singing the psalms in French, which was lovely. Henriette leading it properly.
And then they all went back to meetings, again, so Kathy and Susannah and I just sat down and started eating, which brought them out, but they went back in again after dinner and carried on. It was quite funny, we were all sitting quietly waiting for meditation to start, and Cendrine was still 'meeting' furiously just outside the Chapel. They (les grenouilles) do love to chat. She (Cendrine) says she's taking tomorrow off, but Pascale's gagging for some more meeting.
French moths are mad, and quite distressing. They're big, and flap like crazy, and I try and chase them out and they start flapping round me as if I'm some sort of lightbulb.
I had a sort of epiphany in mass, looking at the stations of the Cross on the walls.
1. Jesus is condemned to death. We are all condemned to death, the moment we are born.
2. Jesus picks up his cross. We all have to shoulder our cross, from that moment - the burden of life, and living. We can accept it and carry it, as long as we are able, or we can try and run away (where to? booze? sex? food?) but we cannot really escape the cross. It's with us whether we accept it or not.
3. Jesus falls for the first time. We all fall / fail. If we're lucky, Simon of Cyrene appears to help us carry the cross.
. . . and so on. I need to spend time in front of the whole set to finish this.
and we're all headed for crucifixion (of our ego, if not our body) and, if we're lucky, resurrection.
6.30am. Woke (or rather, bladder woke me) just before my alarm went off at 6. Andrew wants to continue the 6.15am meditation slot. Some grumpiness about this apparently, and Cendrine complains about saying the office as well - that this is just oblate stuff and us mere mortals shouldn't have to do it, and it all takes up valuable time which would be much better spent on blah blah, which is undoubtedly her forte, hence her position - French C-in-C. She says we should talk (she and I) today, which would be nice, and interesting. I thought I'd met her but she insists not. I've got to a stage where I think I've met everyone. And funny that they call it blahblahcar (car sharing website) which everyone seems to use and works - maybe I should try it to get to Limoges and back, or advertise myself - maybe the real price is that you have to blahblah all the way. Not a problem for yours truly obvs, but I suppose they might want to speak too. Sort of hitchhiking with knobs on.
Heart going like a jack hammer. Overexcited? Too much smoking? Lack of sleep? Felt really shit last night when I was going to sleep, very short of breath etc Too much coffee? (drank very little, mostly Nescafe in Greece - no time). [later - I think too much Naxos - felt really shit all day, esp afternoon, almost blacking out every time I crouched down or bent over, fighting for breath, completely forgot about it during the flood, and feel fine this morning (Tues am)]
Perfect cup of tea. Makes sense that Johnny Foreigner should stock loose English Breakfast in their supermarkets. Anyone who really cared about and understood English tea would want to do it properly (tea bags are an absolute abortion) - so teapot, loose tea, and strainer, all available at your local car boot / vide grenier for about a euro each.
Spooky experience - bright flash / blue spark above the worktop this side of the kitchen sink, a few inches below the eye level cupboard. A metallic (sulphurous) burnt smell. Is this what's been triggering the alarm? I've moved it round the corner, so it wouldn't have smelt the spark - it was above it before. Static? Too much solar electricity in the caravan? The batteries etccare immediately below, underneath the caravan. Must get another fridge and see if the inverter can cope with it (and that it actually gets cold). Silly to have all this leccy and not be using it.
I've missed the deadline for the Dark Mountain essay. Should have just sent them the link to this blog.
Just emptied my apparently dead canna lily out of its pot so I could re-pot the chives I bought yesterday, and whey hay the lily is producing tiny new shoots - several. I've probably fucked it now, having disturbed it. I've re-potted it, and left it more shallow, so we'll see. Literally, roots stretching all the way back to Sweffling and Fram, and the jasmine (which seems very happy outside but isn't bothering to flower) and the little cactus garden are also looking very well.
Spent most of 7am meditation thinking about the lake. Write a report on the lake. That's 3 so far (reports, not lakes).
Did I mention the other Danny / Daniel, from Loughton, who I met in Athens Airport? These Dannies are everywhere. Sometimes the universe just shouts at you.
Bit like all these cuckoos - Susanna says we must grab some money as soon as we hear one, then shed loads will come our way. If everyone here does it there'll be no problem (well, no money problem, anyway). They never seem to shut up. Maybe they're not cuckoos at all, but some kind of dove.
Gardening am Kathy and Thomas
chaotic med trying to link up with London via Zoom
lunch wash up
bed, blood pressure
4.30 M-D and Sandrine to Poitiers Gare. I'm in love again. Andrew needs a PA. I'm Head of Security for the fetes des voisins (preventing 60 meditators from drowning, mis-parking their cars, falling out of trees, getting lost in the woods, attempting to explore the Abbaye). Kathy may come back and be Andrew's PA.
Terrific storm as I left Poitiers and I got back to find the Chapel a foot deep in water - the new road has no ditch, J-C told Andrew this would happen, so the flood water rushed down the new road and straight in to the Chapel. Team were brilliant - Thomas had pump from garden trying to suck out the water (and getting blocked by all the shit in the water - not shit fortunately just leaves and detritus). We sand bagged the door to the chapel and dug a new ditch to drain round the side and into the river, pumped and then swept the church dry and then re-sandbagged the chapel. We need a triconeuse to dig us a proper ditch all down the road and round the chapel. Lots of water play. Very cold. Thomas had to retreat to the gate house to warm up and collapse. He says the Gatehouse is very cold. My caravan, with the door and all its windows wide open, survived quite well - bit of wet carpet under ventilator and by the door.
Lovely supper from Delyth with anchovy and goats cheese tart, broccoli and then bread and butter pud and custard for pud. All the foreigners liked the pudding.
So to bed. Up at 5.45 for new regime - med at 6.15. Henriette wants the meeting at 8.30 which seems to rather spoil the point (of giving us more clear personal time before 9am) but we'll give it a go.
The rule as management manual (I told Sandrine in the car, she's not read it), the flood as a team building / crisis management exercise laid on by god, which I think we passed with flying colours. Henriette annd Susanna took lots of pics. Elba very excited and wants to come and inspect (she is a water engineer).
And we have a massive leak so we've turned off the water. 400 cubic metres (apparently) which Eau de Vienne spotted and told us about last week, but Andrew thought it must be the contractors. Thomas stepped in the actual leak/flood this morning when he was running bare foot up the grass to meditation and cut the corner.
Talk to Sandrine in 2 weeks about admin and assistance for Andrew. I said to her the Rule is Benedict's answer to exactly the problem we have here - how to build a stable and functioning community.
Henriette has lent me Joan Chichester's commentary on the Rule for the night. Looks like she's read it several times.
Must make trestle tables for the voisins tomorrow.
A nice heart to heart with Susannah, from Karlsruhe. About addictions, and Scotland, and heroes (Romy Schneider, David Bowie, the Floez Family, Eddie Reader, The Pogues, Douglas Adams) and Greece. She's a practising homeopath, but all her patients have gone (just for the Pentecost holiday - the Germans get two weeks) so she's able to be here. I think she's the National Director for Germany. And Karlsruhe only sounds like the Ruhr. It's the city of law in SW Germany.
She and Kathy are addicted to Outlander and got quite girly about the leading man. Drooly in fact.
I spoke about addictions - the pointlessness of giving up an addiction, if one does not also give up the addict's idea that this (drink, chocolate, film, act of meaningless sex, fag) is going to fix anything, to cheer us up, or reward us, or extend the good feeling / experience we are having, or blank the pain. If I don't drink (which for me is a good thing in itself) but just start smoking more addictively, less mindfully, than before, I'm no better off spiritually or emotionally - I've just transferred my affections to something else, while remaining just as stupid and obsessive as before. There is still a considerable amount of that old me, Belle's wolfie, hanging around, waiting for his chance.
A bit whacked. Trying too hard to be the life and soul, and being as high as a kite. It was lovely to meditate together in the chapel for the first time this evening (for me, I've managed to avoid morning and midday today - actually midday didn't happen, church didn't finish until 11:30 and then we were preparing a proper French lunch courtesy of Thierry from the Bar / bistrot Medard - our local saint apparently). I need to do some hard physical all day work, and unwind a little. We had lots of singing, especially Susannah singing Taize, and Frederique and Marie Dominique singing the psalms in French, which was lovely. Henriette leading it properly.
And then they all went back to meetings, again, so Kathy and Susannah and I just sat down and started eating, which brought them out, but they went back in again after dinner and carried on. It was quite funny, we were all sitting quietly waiting for meditation to start, and Cendrine was still 'meeting' furiously just outside the Chapel. They (les grenouilles) do love to chat. She (Cendrine) says she's taking tomorrow off, but Pascale's gagging for some more meeting.
French moths are mad, and quite distressing. They're big, and flap like crazy, and I try and chase them out and they start flapping round me as if I'm some sort of lightbulb.
I had a sort of epiphany in mass, looking at the stations of the Cross on the walls.
1. Jesus is condemned to death. We are all condemned to death, the moment we are born.
2. Jesus picks up his cross. We all have to shoulder our cross, from that moment - the burden of life, and living. We can accept it and carry it, as long as we are able, or we can try and run away (where to? booze? sex? food?) but we cannot really escape the cross. It's with us whether we accept it or not.
3. Jesus falls for the first time. We all fall / fail. If we're lucky, Simon of Cyrene appears to help us carry the cross.
. . . and so on. I need to spend time in front of the whole set to finish this.
and we're all headed for crucifixion (of our ego, if not our body) and, if we're lucky, resurrection.
6.30am. Woke (or rather, bladder woke me) just before my alarm went off at 6. Andrew wants to continue the 6.15am meditation slot. Some grumpiness about this apparently, and Cendrine complains about saying the office as well - that this is just oblate stuff and us mere mortals shouldn't have to do it, and it all takes up valuable time which would be much better spent on blah blah, which is undoubtedly her forte, hence her position - French C-in-C. She says we should talk (she and I) today, which would be nice, and interesting. I thought I'd met her but she insists not. I've got to a stage where I think I've met everyone. And funny that they call it blahblahcar (car sharing website) which everyone seems to use and works - maybe I should try it to get to Limoges and back, or advertise myself - maybe the real price is that you have to blahblah all the way. Not a problem for yours truly obvs, but I suppose they might want to speak too. Sort of hitchhiking with knobs on.
Heart going like a jack hammer. Overexcited? Too much smoking? Lack of sleep? Felt really shit last night when I was going to sleep, very short of breath etc Too much coffee? (drank very little, mostly Nescafe in Greece - no time). [later - I think too much Naxos - felt really shit all day, esp afternoon, almost blacking out every time I crouched down or bent over, fighting for breath, completely forgot about it during the flood, and feel fine this morning (Tues am)]
Perfect cup of tea. Makes sense that Johnny Foreigner should stock loose English Breakfast in their supermarkets. Anyone who really cared about and understood English tea would want to do it properly (tea bags are an absolute abortion) - so teapot, loose tea, and strainer, all available at your local car boot / vide grenier for about a euro each.
Spooky experience - bright flash / blue spark above the worktop this side of the kitchen sink, a few inches below the eye level cupboard. A metallic (sulphurous) burnt smell. Is this what's been triggering the alarm? I've moved it round the corner, so it wouldn't have smelt the spark - it was above it before. Static? Too much solar electricity in the caravan? The batteries etccare immediately below, underneath the caravan. Must get another fridge and see if the inverter can cope with it (and that it actually gets cold). Silly to have all this leccy and not be using it.
I've missed the deadline for the Dark Mountain essay. Should have just sent them the link to this blog.
Just emptied my apparently dead canna lily out of its pot so I could re-pot the chives I bought yesterday, and whey hay the lily is producing tiny new shoots - several. I've probably fucked it now, having disturbed it. I've re-potted it, and left it more shallow, so we'll see. Literally, roots stretching all the way back to Sweffling and Fram, and the jasmine (which seems very happy outside but isn't bothering to flower) and the little cactus garden are also looking very well.
Spent most of 7am meditation thinking about the lake. Write a report on the lake. That's 3 so far (reports, not lakes).
Did I mention the other Danny / Daniel, from Loughton, who I met in Athens Airport? These Dannies are everywhere. Sometimes the universe just shouts at you.
Bit like all these cuckoos - Susanna says we must grab some money as soon as we hear one, then shed loads will come our way. If everyone here does it there'll be no problem (well, no money problem, anyway). They never seem to shut up. Maybe they're not cuckoos at all, but some kind of dove.
Gardening am Kathy and Thomas
chaotic med trying to link up with London via Zoom
lunch wash up
bed, blood pressure
4.30 M-D and Sandrine to Poitiers Gare. I'm in love again. Andrew needs a PA. I'm Head of Security for the fetes des voisins (preventing 60 meditators from drowning, mis-parking their cars, falling out of trees, getting lost in the woods, attempting to explore the Abbaye). Kathy may come back and be Andrew's PA.
Terrific storm as I left Poitiers and I got back to find the Chapel a foot deep in water - the new road has no ditch, J-C told Andrew this would happen, so the flood water rushed down the new road and straight in to the Chapel. Team were brilliant - Thomas had pump from garden trying to suck out the water (and getting blocked by all the shit in the water - not shit fortunately just leaves and detritus). We sand bagged the door to the chapel and dug a new ditch to drain round the side and into the river, pumped and then swept the church dry and then re-sandbagged the chapel. We need a triconeuse to dig us a proper ditch all down the road and round the chapel. Lots of water play. Very cold. Thomas had to retreat to the gate house to warm up and collapse. He says the Gatehouse is very cold. My caravan, with the door and all its windows wide open, survived quite well - bit of wet carpet under ventilator and by the door.
 |
| Andrew and I looking smug, apres le deluge |
Lovely supper from Delyth with anchovy and goats cheese tart, broccoli and then bread and butter pud and custard for pud. All the foreigners liked the pudding.
So to bed. Up at 5.45 for new regime - med at 6.15. Henriette wants the meeting at 8.30 which seems to rather spoil the point (of giving us more clear personal time before 9am) but we'll give it a go.
The rule as management manual (I told Sandrine in the car, she's not read it), the flood as a team building / crisis management exercise laid on by god, which I think we passed with flying colours. Henriette annd Susanna took lots of pics. Elba very excited and wants to come and inspect (she is a water engineer).
And we have a massive leak so we've turned off the water. 400 cubic metres (apparently) which Eau de Vienne spotted and told us about last week, but Andrew thought it must be the contractors. Thomas stepped in the actual leak/flood this morning when he was running bare foot up the grass to meditation and cut the corner.
Talk to Sandrine in 2 weeks about admin and assistance for Andrew. I said to her the Rule is Benedict's answer to exactly the problem we have here - how to build a stable and functioning community.
Henriette has lent me Joan Chichester's commentary on the Rule for the night. Looks like she's read it several times.
Must make trestle tables for the voisins tomorrow.
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