I haven't said anything about the alms house and the email I received from Persephone, the chairperson. Basically I think it was the shit at the CoOp that did it. I sort of feel I should do something about it and him, but I think life is too short. And maybe that's just the price you pay for being a stupid drunk. Even if it shouldn't be.
Belle's book, instalments 120-140. p289-292 - [very powerful. hurts. I've been there but managed to hide it from myself, make a joke out of it] Funny how things are starting to sink in, like my conversation with Felicity yesterday, how I've been these last 5 years, 15 years even. Thinking about being sacked from the CoOp. Facing the facts, my responsibility for these bad things. They weren't a joke. It's OK, but it's hard, and painful. Accepting how much I've fucked up. And hidden that from myself.
stayed up correcting it until 1:40 am which is probably stupid. and I'm hungry. over-something or rather, trying too hard, like emptying the bins and dishwasher here - I pay the rent, what do they do for me - so i get resentful (and drink)
amusing slot on radio 4 this am - "you're doing it wrong" - the obsession with coupledom. people who get married are no happier after they get married than they were before. good for children, maybe not so good for individuals. 66 yr old woman from a housing coop who had been single all her life (some relationships in her teens, then gave them up). you can live in community without being a couple. is "loneliness" just a sort of conditioning - you must have a partner to be a proper person. i always confused the coupledom thing with wanting to be at home (i.e. the couple was the home). because my home had a couple, ma and da.
JP - lecture 5 part 1 at 1:25 night terrors (the little boy with the dragon, playing knights). How did I solve the falling dreams problem? I learned to fly (literally). How did I solve the no underpants problem? How did I solve the nuclear holocaust problem? we don't deal with frightening things by running away from them, or pretending they don't exist (while adults tell us these nightmares aren't real, which is no help - JP asks the little boy how he could deal with the dragon). Cutting off the hydra's heads doesn't help.
how was human existence possible before rubber bands and clothes pegs?
I have expended a lot of time and energy (of the soul sucking variety) on the facebook and anti-semitism issue. But I have meditated twice. No word about the car. Talked to Phoenix about putting everything into cash. Amend my forms.
A new nice drink - aloe vera and white grape juice (it's a thing) and tonic water. Not as OTT as cranberry.
Michailis from Orkos messaged me, was I still interested? I'd updated my entry on Naxos for sale or rent and changed €1 to €100 - didn't specify what I was offering to pay for or for how long (I'd been waiting for Michailis to come back to me with a price, he had to talk to his mum). After a lot of faffing around he suggested between €200 and €400 a month. I think he's being Greek, and stupid. The caravan site down at Agia Ana would charge me €5 a day and provide electricity. (i.e. €150 a month, give or take). Maybe I should contact Symenoglou, who wanted to sell me Genesys for €30,000. That would equate to €120 a month at 5% return on capital. Maybe Michailis thinks I have some fantastic money making scam up my sleeve. So €200 isn't out of the question, but €400 has to be a joke.
Then I started googling housing co-ops and got in a panic. Couldn't I find Bonnevaux or Naxos right here? Am I just being stupid? Or lazy? But as Diana said this evening (she's really being quite friendly, which is nice) she'd rather Naxos. The East of England Co-Op property section came up. As if. But lots of nice sounding co-operatives all over the place and quite a few in Suffolk.
Belle's book, instalments 120-140. p289-292 - [very powerful. hurts. I've been there but managed to hide it from myself, make a joke out of it] Funny how things are starting to sink in, like my conversation with Felicity yesterday, how I've been these last 5 years, 15 years even. Thinking about being sacked from the CoOp. Facing the facts, my responsibility for these bad things. They weren't a joke. It's OK, but it's hard, and painful. Accepting how much I've fucked up. And hidden that from myself.
stayed up correcting it until 1:40 am which is probably stupid. and I'm hungry. over-something or rather, trying too hard, like emptying the bins and dishwasher here - I pay the rent, what do they do for me - so i get resentful (and drink)
amusing slot on radio 4 this am - "you're doing it wrong" - the obsession with coupledom. people who get married are no happier after they get married than they were before. good for children, maybe not so good for individuals. 66 yr old woman from a housing coop who had been single all her life (some relationships in her teens, then gave them up). you can live in community without being a couple. is "loneliness" just a sort of conditioning - you must have a partner to be a proper person. i always confused the coupledom thing with wanting to be at home (i.e. the couple was the home). because my home had a couple, ma and da.
JP - lecture 5 part 1 at 1:25 night terrors (the little boy with the dragon, playing knights). How did I solve the falling dreams problem? I learned to fly (literally). How did I solve the no underpants problem? How did I solve the nuclear holocaust problem? we don't deal with frightening things by running away from them, or pretending they don't exist (while adults tell us these nightmares aren't real, which is no help - JP asks the little boy how he could deal with the dragon). Cutting off the hydra's heads doesn't help.
how was human existence possible before rubber bands and clothes pegs?
I have expended a lot of time and energy (of the soul sucking variety) on the facebook and anti-semitism issue. But I have meditated twice. No word about the car. Talked to Phoenix about putting everything into cash. Amend my forms.
A new nice drink - aloe vera and white grape juice (it's a thing) and tonic water. Not as OTT as cranberry.
Michailis from Orkos messaged me, was I still interested? I'd updated my entry on Naxos for sale or rent and changed €1 to €100 - didn't specify what I was offering to pay for or for how long (I'd been waiting for Michailis to come back to me with a price, he had to talk to his mum). After a lot of faffing around he suggested between €200 and €400 a month. I think he's being Greek, and stupid. The caravan site down at Agia Ana would charge me €5 a day and provide electricity. (i.e. €150 a month, give or take). Maybe I should contact Symenoglou, who wanted to sell me Genesys for €30,000. That would equate to €120 a month at 5% return on capital. Maybe Michailis thinks I have some fantastic money making scam up my sleeve. So €200 isn't out of the question, but €400 has to be a joke.
Then I started googling housing co-ops and got in a panic. Couldn't I find Bonnevaux or Naxos right here? Am I just being stupid? Or lazy? But as Diana said this evening (she's really being quite friendly, which is nice) she'd rather Naxos. The East of England Co-Op property section came up. As if. But lots of nice sounding co-operatives all over the place and quite a few in Suffolk.
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