94 days to go.
A useful morning balancing my books, checking my investments and playing with IGIndex - my demo spread bet / short on bitcoin is finally in the black - last night I was losing £400. Set up a moving average spreadsheet. Buy actual bitcoin if it drops to $10,000 - $13,700 at the moment.
Stuart not averse to the idea of me being his tenant. Problem (ignoring Bonnevaux pro tem) - what to do with the caravan? Buy a big van, and drive to Greece?
===================
email from / to Belle Thursday 11.i.2018
from Belle:
On 11 January 2018 at 10:55, Belle <tiredofdrinking@gmail.com> wrote:
and when you say you lost momentum, do you mean you drifted from your supports and stopped doing the things that helped you to be sober? for you it might mean that if you skip emailing, even one day, it’s a sign that wolfie is ramping up. and it’s easier to adjust those things in the beginning than it is once they start rolling.
did you want to send me your date of last drink? I’m not sure where you are, as I didn’t see an email yesterday. lemme know. hugs
from me:
Dear Belle
My last drink was on Friday 5 Jan, 2018, so this is my new Day 6.
Re yours - I didn't think of a drink once yesterday (and haven't done for a while), which is what I think is behind the loss of momentum i.e. I just haven't been waking up in the morning thinking about drinking, or indeed thinking about it at all all day. So I don't think about my blog, or emailing you, either.
By the way, I did email you yesterday - subject "Day 96 / 5 - still sober" signed fatgit - and you replied (about Rayna's next instalments).
So, what it amounts to, is I have to make a more positive commitment to staying sober, not just take this 'no longer thinking or even caring about drinking' feeling for granted (which is where I now realise I used to go wrong before when I stopped with AA - I just started to think of myself as normal, and I didn't have to worry any more, which I know intellectually is rubbish, but it's how I feel, emotionally). The silly thing about my drinking on Friday 5 was I really didn't particularly want it (whisky would have been my drink de choix), and I wasn't particularly affected by it either at the time or the next morning. I was very fed up with myself for doing it, and felt a complete prat, and really did want to deny it, to myself and all of you, but I think that was as much hurt pride and ego as anything, so stupid to fall 6 days before the 100 mark.
So yes, keep bugging me about emails, and I will not make excuses either for not sending them or for not blogging. All the other things are in place, apart possibly from getting enough sleep, which is both a sign and a stressor in itself. I am in a slightly manic phase, despite my Australian 'flu.
hugs likewise fatgit
==========
My little Christmas jasmine has suddenly produced a huge shoot (I suspect it's wondering where the sun has gone) and I'm not sure what to do with it. Cut it off? Bend it round to join the rest of the plant, which is threaded round a hoop. Time for a bigger pot I think. And deadhead the flowers.
A useful morning balancing my books, checking my investments and playing with IGIndex - my demo spread bet / short on bitcoin is finally in the black - last night I was losing £400. Set up a moving average spreadsheet. Buy actual bitcoin if it drops to $10,000 - $13,700 at the moment.
Stuart not averse to the idea of me being his tenant. Problem (ignoring Bonnevaux pro tem) - what to do with the caravan? Buy a big van, and drive to Greece?
===================
email from / to Belle Thursday 11.i.2018
from Belle:
On 11 January 2018 at 10:55, Belle <tiredofdrinking@gmail.com> wrote:
and when you say you lost momentum, do you mean you drifted from your supports and stopped doing the things that helped you to be sober? for you it might mean that if you skip emailing, even one day, it’s a sign that wolfie is ramping up. and it’s easier to adjust those things in the beginning than it is once they start rolling.
did you want to send me your date of last drink? I’m not sure where you are, as I didn’t see an email yesterday. lemme know. hugs
from me:
Dear Belle
My last drink was on Friday 5 Jan, 2018, so this is my new Day 6.
Re yours - I didn't think of a drink once yesterday (and haven't done for a while), which is what I think is behind the loss of momentum i.e. I just haven't been waking up in the morning thinking about drinking, or indeed thinking about it at all all day. So I don't think about my blog, or emailing you, either.
By the way, I did email you yesterday - subject "Day 96 / 5 - still sober" signed fatgit - and you replied (about Rayna's next instalments).
So, what it amounts to, is I have to make a more positive commitment to staying sober, not just take this 'no longer thinking or even caring about drinking' feeling for granted (which is where I now realise I used to go wrong before when I stopped with AA - I just started to think of myself as normal, and I didn't have to worry any more, which I know intellectually is rubbish, but it's how I feel, emotionally). The silly thing about my drinking on Friday 5 was I really didn't particularly want it (whisky would have been my drink de choix), and I wasn't particularly affected by it either at the time or the next morning. I was very fed up with myself for doing it, and felt a complete prat, and really did want to deny it, to myself and all of you, but I think that was as much hurt pride and ego as anything, so stupid to fall 6 days before the 100 mark.
So yes, keep bugging me about emails, and I will not make excuses either for not sending them or for not blogging. All the other things are in place, apart possibly from getting enough sleep, which is both a sign and a stressor in itself. I am in a slightly manic phase, despite my Australian 'flu.
hugs likewise fatgit
==========
My little Christmas jasmine has suddenly produced a huge shoot (I suspect it's wondering where the sun has gone) and I'm not sure what to do with it. Cut it off? Bend it round to join the rest of the plant, which is threaded round a hoop. Time for a bigger pot I think. And deadhead the flowers.
I think Bolshiness - your word - led to the Fall. You don’t like being told what to do.
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