Hello everyone. It’s day 55 for me, and I have been feeling a bit guilty about not visiting here more often. Thanks to Belle and the Jumpstart programme and all the other resources she keeps churning out, I haven’t felt the need. I blog about my journey every day here – http://gatfatf.blogspot.co.uk/ – so maybe what I am experiencing can be helpful to someone else. I have one friend who is giving the 100-day pledge a go (she’s on Day 10 now, I hope, although I haven’t spoken to her for a couple of days). So far, it has been a breeze. It was like everything in the universe has been conspiring to hep me (just as well, because I wasn’t helping myself). The 7-day challenge was the best – ridiculously something I felt would be a challenge – I hadn’t taken 7 days off booze in years – but not an insurmountable one. And I could just say to myself (or my drinking self) – eff off for 7 days, and then we’ll see. And then I said eff off for 30 days, and now, if I think about it, it’s 100 days. So thanks Belle, and thanks to everyone who posts here – some people are having a really tough time, which makes me feel very grateful – but everyone reminds me that this is not easy, cannot be taken for granted, needs top priority.
Simple things I’ve learned here.
+Look after myself. I need all the care and attention I have, right now. That doesn’t mean I have nothing to give anyone else, but if by doing that I jeopardise this, this takes priority.
+Co-dependency – sort of related to the above. My last partner and I were in a very co-dependent relationship (and we both were). I coped with the deficit by drinking. Eventually she chucked me out, and I had to deal with my drinking on my own, the only way. The video of the woman giving her ex- a suitcase full of beautiful things (to her) and getting no thanks rang a lot of bells for me.
+Wanting not will power. Not sure where I saw this story – a man gives up smoking one day by throwing away his cigarettes and never smokes again. His daughter asked him how he did it and he explains he had spent the previous 6 months not wanting to smoke. When he finally gave it up, he really wanted to – there was no need for willpower. And that’s been true for me. I’ve been not-wanting to drink, or wanting to not-drink for several years. I tried willpower and AA several times, but always went back to boozing. But finally I really did want to not drink. And just as I did, Belle came along. So these past 55 days have been (relatively) easy – the previous 15 years were horrible.
+Cultivate good / new habits. Belle’s really good at showing me how to do this. Giving myself treats. Doing good things – eating 3 meals a day (as opposed to drinking and eating one meal a day), taking exercise, having stuff to do. My friend says her biggest problem is coming up with alternatives – all she was doing was reading and drinking, so she needs to find other things to do, reading alone is not enough to fill her day, or soul.
+Stop thinking alcohol or drugs is an answer. This is mainly just a habit – the old habit was to always reach for the bottle whenever I had any kind of negative experience or feeling. The new habit is a) to realise that solves nothing (and what I remember of my drinking and what I read others say here makes that very clear) and b) to make a real effort to come up with something that helps. Having a decent meal helps (how often have I had a drink, which is very easy, to save myself the bother of preparing a meal – truly). I feel like a drink. I eat. I don’t feel like a drink. And c) having a repertoire of things / treats / activities / friends to call on when the feeling that a drink is needed comes on.
+Look after myself. I need all the care and attention I have, right now. That doesn’t mean I have nothing to give anyone else, but if by doing that I jeopardise this, this takes priority.
+Co-dependency – sort of related to the above. My last partner and I were in a very co-dependent relationship (and we both were). I coped with the deficit by drinking. Eventually she chucked me out, and I had to deal with my drinking on my own, the only way. The video of the woman giving her ex- a suitcase full of beautiful things (to her) and getting no thanks rang a lot of bells for me.
+Wanting not will power. Not sure where I saw this story – a man gives up smoking one day by throwing away his cigarettes and never smokes again. His daughter asked him how he did it and he explains he had spent the previous 6 months not wanting to smoke. When he finally gave it up, he really wanted to – there was no need for willpower. And that’s been true for me. I’ve been not-wanting to drink, or wanting to not-drink for several years. I tried willpower and AA several times, but always went back to boozing. But finally I really did want to not drink. And just as I did, Belle came along. So these past 55 days have been (relatively) easy – the previous 15 years were horrible.
+Cultivate good / new habits. Belle’s really good at showing me how to do this. Giving myself treats. Doing good things – eating 3 meals a day (as opposed to drinking and eating one meal a day), taking exercise, having stuff to do. My friend says her biggest problem is coming up with alternatives – all she was doing was reading and drinking, so she needs to find other things to do, reading alone is not enough to fill her day, or soul.
+Stop thinking alcohol or drugs is an answer. This is mainly just a habit – the old habit was to always reach for the bottle whenever I had any kind of negative experience or feeling. The new habit is a) to realise that solves nothing (and what I remember of my drinking and what I read others say here makes that very clear) and b) to make a real effort to come up with something that helps. Having a decent meal helps (how often have I had a drink, which is very easy, to save myself the bother of preparing a meal – truly). I feel like a drink. I eat. I don’t feel like a drink. And c) having a repertoire of things / treats / activities / friends to call on when the feeling that a drink is needed comes on.
Good luck everyone. Hugs, as Belle might say.
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