Another day, another dollar. Slept the sleep of the dead. Definitely not going to work more than 2, max 3 days a week. Accidentally meditated for too long (mis-set alarm) which is a good thing. Tally ho!
Letter to Belle (written after work)
Dear Belle
This is the usual update, but also a response to your little extra audio about sober supports that I've just listened to.
Bang on. I've been pretty strict with myself about this from Day 1 - so every day I aim to meditate, twice a day, morning and evening, take some exercise (I tend to naturally, but's still a good idea to have it on the to do list now I'm not working), eat three proper meals a day (no easy take outs if I can avoid it, because cooking is good for my soul and I eat better), and treats, like all the time. And blogging about it all and checking in with you.
I did cheat two days ago on the ready meals thing - my landlady gave me boeuf bourguignon and dauphinoise potatoes from our swishest supermarket, normal price £9.99, and it was pretty good, and I had to eat it because it was past its sell by date (I normally ignore these and use my nose). A couple of days ago I went into said supermarket (Waitrose, better than Harrods) to get some butter and came out having spent £40 on really important stuff like capers and anchovies and cranberry juice made out of actual cranberries (doh!). Hence the two days working - it stops me going to Waitrose and I earn some money. I have choc ices most days. The last two days have been tough as I've been working - two 8 hour days doing a very strenuous job - lots of heavy lifting. And it was a challenge too. I could so feel myself at the end of day one saying what you really really want and need now is massive drinks to relax and feel warm and fuzzy in. So I cycled 6 miles out of my way and just bought some tobacco and Appletize and it was OK. I also had a very hot bath with muscle soak, even though I was going to go to work again the next day and it's so not worth having a bath if you're just going to get sweaty and filthy all over again.
And something else I've worked out in the last two months. I think I've been secretly punishing myself for years, for my drinking, by not buying things I actually need and want. At one level, it was just I'd rather spend the money on alcohol, but at a deeper level, it was you don't deserve this because you're a drinker. So now I'm not drinking, and you've told me I must have treats, I'm going a bit mad. Not buying stupid things, or doing stupid things, but buying things I want and need (a light so I can shave by when the sun isn't shining - really) and doing things for the pleasure and satisfaction they give me and for no other reason.
And something I noticed myself doing, just a day or so ago (you mentioned Christmas etc) - some bit of me was looking forward to Christmas with my family and New Year with a friend, because I was going to get drunk and stoned. I'm not, but clearly some bit of me thinks that that is what Christmas and New Year are about and for. Actually I'm really looking forward to a no drinking Christmas (as I suspect are my family) and a sober New Year with my newly sober friend Hat Trick.
So, I am engaging, and all good here. Looking forward to my pay cheque tomorrow.
Letter to Belle (written after work)
Dear Belle
This is the usual update, but also a response to your little extra audio about sober supports that I've just listened to.
Bang on. I've been pretty strict with myself about this from Day 1 - so every day I aim to meditate, twice a day, morning and evening, take some exercise (I tend to naturally, but's still a good idea to have it on the to do list now I'm not working), eat three proper meals a day (no easy take outs if I can avoid it, because cooking is good for my soul and I eat better), and treats, like all the time. And blogging about it all and checking in with you.
I did cheat two days ago on the ready meals thing - my landlady gave me boeuf bourguignon and dauphinoise potatoes from our swishest supermarket, normal price £9.99, and it was pretty good, and I had to eat it because it was past its sell by date (I normally ignore these and use my nose). A couple of days ago I went into said supermarket (Waitrose, better than Harrods) to get some butter and came out having spent £40 on really important stuff like capers and anchovies and cranberry juice made out of actual cranberries (doh!). Hence the two days working - it stops me going to Waitrose and I earn some money. I have choc ices most days. The last two days have been tough as I've been working - two 8 hour days doing a very strenuous job - lots of heavy lifting. And it was a challenge too. I could so feel myself at the end of day one saying what you really really want and need now is massive drinks to relax and feel warm and fuzzy in. So I cycled 6 miles out of my way and just bought some tobacco and Appletize and it was OK. I also had a very hot bath with muscle soak, even though I was going to go to work again the next day and it's so not worth having a bath if you're just going to get sweaty and filthy all over again.
And something else I've worked out in the last two months. I think I've been secretly punishing myself for years, for my drinking, by not buying things I actually need and want. At one level, it was just I'd rather spend the money on alcohol, but at a deeper level, it was you don't deserve this because you're a drinker. So now I'm not drinking, and you've told me I must have treats, I'm going a bit mad. Not buying stupid things, or doing stupid things, but buying things I want and need (a light so I can shave by when the sun isn't shining - really) and doing things for the pleasure and satisfaction they give me and for no other reason.
And something I noticed myself doing, just a day or so ago (you mentioned Christmas etc) - some bit of me was looking forward to Christmas with my family and New Year with a friend, because I was going to get drunk and stoned. I'm not, but clearly some bit of me thinks that that is what Christmas and New Year are about and for. Actually I'm really looking forward to a no drinking Christmas (as I suspect are my family) and a sober New Year with my newly sober friend Hat Trick.
So, I am engaging, and all good here. Looking forward to my pay cheque tomorrow.
Keep it up, I missed your blog on Tuesday. That and meditating helping me too. Thanks, Hat Trick
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