Note to self. Do not spend three days walking round with a shoulder bag over one shoulder (my right in this case) loaded with Chrome, books and a load of other crap. Still, gives me a chance to test Maureen's recommended cold freeze spray (which smells nice and is very cold, and seems to help). I tried it on my jaw as well (and my eye, which did not appreciate it).
I've found Abbaye de Bonnevaux. It's about 16 km SW of Poitiers. Looks / sounds perfect. On the Camino - maybe I'll cycle on to Santiago.
Didn't meditate at all yesterday. Up early at Pol's, said goodbye, and then leafletting in Fram. Home, knackered, and fiddling about, supper and "ex machina". Stayed up late reading Joe Abercrombie's "the blade itself". Missed it (meditation that is).
Thoughts late at night, early this morning.
I feel so alive, so aware, so full of potential, ideas.
If I could, would I make an Ava? Or is she just a better form of youporn? Are the youporn girls robots? They might as well be. Is Annie real, or just part of the illusion, the sucking-us-in machinery? (ex machina on the telly)
Am I a good person?
Is this the real me? This sober person? Or what I perceive as this sober person? Was drunk me more real, more honest, more humble, less full of myself? Is that wolfie (or whatever my version is) speaking? "Come on, get drunk, be real, be less in control." Whatever, and just to see, make it to 100 days. Would I then see more clearly than I do now? Or would I just be mad beyond all hope of recovery? Is it possible that Belle is actually mad?
How druggy I feel, especially later at night. As when I was watching "Lucy" the other night. Could I be psychotic? Was the alcohol and weed masking that? If it was. Is this me any more real than that drunk one was?
Is the whole internet distraction attention grabbing thing not just an extreme version of reality, of what we all live with, from birth to death?
The horrible pull of ads, sex, gambling, booze and drugs, cars, glamour holidays, fitted kitchens. I seem to see (and feel) it more clearly than most people. How do we really resist it? Am I any more free than I was when I was drinking?
Peppermint and black tea is a good mixture.
{deus / dea? } ex machina - Film 4 - very clever, and spooky. Quite sad. Because Ava did not really love him? Why should she? And she kills her creator. Is that inevitable? Will there be a sequel? Will Ava come back and rescue him? And what's his name? Did he have one?
Just been reading my book all morning. A sort of Day 51 treat maybe. Looked at my to do list for the day, but only did a couple of things. The trouble with going to lunch, it sort of cuts off the day. And I couldn't cook my mince and fermented peas, because I have no onions, or do my table, because I have no extension lead. Feeling the need for some support a la B - normally I'd be looking forward to getting drunk and stoned at J&I's and a night in front of the telly. See if I can fit in a meditate.
I did write a letter, and meditate, and have been listening to Radio 3's Sacred River all day, which has been beautiful. Uninterrupted lovely music, all day. No Metanoia. Ring H later and see how she's got on, and whether she plans to keep going. Hope she does, as much for my sake as her own. Emailed Briji about Bonnevaux. It's 500 miles away, so a good 10 days by bike. Maybe fly out for a visit, then cycle down if it works out, and on to Santiago, or Naxos - retrace my steps of 2013, on a bicycle. With tent. Like Frank Baines cycling to India.
Checked out seagrass carpet for Pol's summerhouse. She was right, it's very expensive, which seems odd: £150 - £200 for 5 square metres.
A lovely day - cold, clear, windy (wrong way for Framlingham) and sunny. Tally ho! Get some mushrooms and onions and more choc ices at the CoOp before it shuts. Or tomorrow morning, on my way back.
I've found Abbaye de Bonnevaux. It's about 16 km SW of Poitiers. Looks / sounds perfect. On the Camino - maybe I'll cycle on to Santiago.
Didn't meditate at all yesterday. Up early at Pol's, said goodbye, and then leafletting in Fram. Home, knackered, and fiddling about, supper and "ex machina". Stayed up late reading Joe Abercrombie's "the blade itself". Missed it (meditation that is).
Thoughts late at night, early this morning.
I feel so alive, so aware, so full of potential, ideas.
If I could, would I make an Ava? Or is she just a better form of youporn? Are the youporn girls robots? They might as well be. Is Annie real, or just part of the illusion, the sucking-us-in machinery? (ex machina on the telly)
Am I a good person?
Is this the real me? This sober person? Or what I perceive as this sober person? Was drunk me more real, more honest, more humble, less full of myself? Is that wolfie (or whatever my version is) speaking? "Come on, get drunk, be real, be less in control." Whatever, and just to see, make it to 100 days. Would I then see more clearly than I do now? Or would I just be mad beyond all hope of recovery? Is it possible that Belle is actually mad?
How druggy I feel, especially later at night. As when I was watching "Lucy" the other night. Could I be psychotic? Was the alcohol and weed masking that? If it was. Is this me any more real than that drunk one was?
Is the whole internet distraction attention grabbing thing not just an extreme version of reality, of what we all live with, from birth to death?
The horrible pull of ads, sex, gambling, booze and drugs, cars, glamour holidays, fitted kitchens. I seem to see (and feel) it more clearly than most people. How do we really resist it? Am I any more free than I was when I was drinking?
Peppermint and black tea is a good mixture.
{deus / dea? } ex machina - Film 4 - very clever, and spooky. Quite sad. Because Ava did not really love him? Why should she? And she kills her creator. Is that inevitable? Will there be a sequel? Will Ava come back and rescue him? And what's his name? Did he have one?
Just been reading my book all morning. A sort of Day 51 treat maybe. Looked at my to do list for the day, but only did a couple of things. The trouble with going to lunch, it sort of cuts off the day. And I couldn't cook my mince and fermented peas, because I have no onions, or do my table, because I have no extension lead. Feeling the need for some support a la B - normally I'd be looking forward to getting drunk and stoned at J&I's and a night in front of the telly. See if I can fit in a meditate.
I did write a letter, and meditate, and have been listening to Radio 3's Sacred River all day, which has been beautiful. Uninterrupted lovely music, all day. No Metanoia. Ring H later and see how she's got on, and whether she plans to keep going. Hope she does, as much for my sake as her own. Emailed Briji about Bonnevaux. It's 500 miles away, so a good 10 days by bike. Maybe fly out for a visit, then cycle down if it works out, and on to Santiago, or Naxos - retrace my steps of 2013, on a bicycle. With tent. Like Frank Baines cycling to India.
Checked out seagrass carpet for Pol's summerhouse. She was right, it's very expensive, which seems odd: £150 - £200 for 5 square metres.
A lovely day - cold, clear, windy (wrong way for Framlingham) and sunny. Tally ho! Get some mushrooms and onions and more choc ices at the CoOp before it shuts. Or tomorrow morning, on my way back.
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