Day 1 - no smoking. I have some nicotinell lozenges to tide me over. It's not cravings, just wtf do I do now? The entertainment of making a fag, the change of pace (going outside, sitting in my crack den, leaning out of the window), the sense of something special, even if it isn't really. I've just spent so much time thinking 'I know, I'll have a fag' or 'time for a coffee, and a fag' or 'time for a break, and a fag', and definitely 'a drink and several fags and more drinks - that's the evening sorted'. Now I'm sitting here in Johnny & Ingrid's kitchen minding the dogs, with nothing to do but drink coffee, have a bath, and cook a chilli con carne for one. At least there are no random fags lying about. Only I just found three and so nearly lit up. And then I thought what's the point of saying I'll give up for 7 days and then smoking on day 1. Wait until Day 8, at least, which is when I have a date with hates smoking Annie, so doh, probably no. Well, Day 9 then. Meanwhile, keep sucking the lozenges.
And the bricks in the wall are not just the accumulation of sober days, one by one, but new and better habits. Looking forward to different kinds of treats. One of the best things is having so much time, not constantly structuring the day's activities around the priorities of fag breaks and the beginning of drinking. Because that's the end of everything else. So I can say to myself, I can do this or that (like work on my waistcoat, or book, or table, or read my book, or meditate) later, after I've eaten, knowing I'll still be conscious and capable.
Oh dear. Had a horrid fag (B+H dual - what's that?) with my fake beer. 4pm. And then 2 more. Silly, really - no craving, as in for nicotine, just a constantly recurring 'what do I do now?' and smoking one made absolutely no difference. I immediately wanted another one.
A generally unpleasant, vulnerable feeling evening, and a not very nice supper (Ingrid had got a portion of curry and rice out of the freezer for me). Had a bath and went to bed early and watched Have I got New for You? and listened to Radio 4. Very soporific - both meditates I fell deeply asleep. All the Parsons-Manns have been having the same problem. I fell asleep listening to the radio after 9.30 and didn't even make it to the news at 10pm. I did manage to turn the lights out.
And the bricks in the wall are not just the accumulation of sober days, one by one, but new and better habits. Looking forward to different kinds of treats. One of the best things is having so much time, not constantly structuring the day's activities around the priorities of fag breaks and the beginning of drinking. Because that's the end of everything else. So I can say to myself, I can do this or that (like work on my waistcoat, or book, or table, or read my book, or meditate) later, after I've eaten, knowing I'll still be conscious and capable.
Oh dear. Had a horrid fag (B+H dual - what's that?) with my fake beer. 4pm. And then 2 more. Silly, really - no craving, as in for nicotine, just a constantly recurring 'what do I do now?' and smoking one made absolutely no difference. I immediately wanted another one.
A generally unpleasant, vulnerable feeling evening, and a not very nice supper (Ingrid had got a portion of curry and rice out of the freezer for me). Had a bath and went to bed early and watched Have I got New for You? and listened to Radio 4. Very soporific - both meditates I fell deeply asleep. All the Parsons-Manns have been having the same problem. I fell asleep listening to the radio after 9.30 and didn't even make it to the news at 10pm. I did manage to turn the lights out.
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