Notes on Orange Doughnuts 21-40. A missing "was" somewhere at the bottom of about p64 but I can't find where it is now. A lot of uncomfortable echoes of where I was, where I am. "I have to quit this job, the stress is making me drink." Not doing anything. Getting stuck in places and situations, but doing nothing to change them, just reaching for the anaesthetic.
p77 - Rayna's email to gettingsober - too sudden, too big a jump from alcoholic nightmare to Day 1 and "sober plan". Feels like we've missed a scene, or this is stuff she might say after she's talked to gettingsober. Or maybe a bit more of the conversation with the shrink (to which Rayna can react, negatively) about sober plans and day 1.
p79. Rayna's paranoia. My thoughts about B's money making wheezes - she's just running a business. That I should check her out on Google, find all the negative stuff. I haven't. And it would only be voyeurish curiousity ("ooh, look, that person really doesn't like her"). Is that self protection, or just looking for a reason to ignore her and all her advice? Like checking out negatives on AA (and, of course, there are loads, whether true or not). I do not wish to lead my life inside a conspiracy theory.
p80. "I wanted to go home. Not to my actual apartment, but to a mythical home. It was like the summer camp homesickness, the yearning. I wanted to be in a place where I felt hope. Like something good might happen." The way I've felt for years. Even from before splitting up with S. Actually, in some ways, from when I was quite small. Searching for Heaven.
I don't get it. Is Beet gettingsober@gmail.com? How did Rayna find out? - she's only had an email - no contact info.
p95. Oh no. Is she going to accept the drink? Can't stand it - at least another 3 weeks for the next instalment.
p77 - Rayna's email to gettingsober - too sudden, too big a jump from alcoholic nightmare to Day 1 and "sober plan". Feels like we've missed a scene, or this is stuff she might say after she's talked to gettingsober. Or maybe a bit more of the conversation with the shrink (to which Rayna can react, negatively) about sober plans and day 1.
p79. Rayna's paranoia. My thoughts about B's money making wheezes - she's just running a business. That I should check her out on Google, find all the negative stuff. I haven't. And it would only be voyeurish curiousity ("ooh, look, that person really doesn't like her"). Is that self protection, or just looking for a reason to ignore her and all her advice? Like checking out negatives on AA (and, of course, there are loads, whether true or not). I do not wish to lead my life inside a conspiracy theory.
p80. "I wanted to go home. Not to my actual apartment, but to a mythical home. It was like the summer camp homesickness, the yearning. I wanted to be in a place where I felt hope. Like something good might happen." The way I've felt for years. Even from before splitting up with S. Actually, in some ways, from when I was quite small. Searching for Heaven.
I don't get it. Is Beet gettingsober@gmail.com? How did Rayna find out? - she's only had an email - no contact info.
p95. Oh no. Is she going to accept the drink? Can't stand it - at least another 3 weeks for the next instalment.
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Say anything you like. I do.