I feel proud of myself. It's pathetic in a way, that I should feel proud of myself for not drinking for 24 days, but I do, and I'm not ashamed of that. Always before, if I stayed sober for any length of time, I would think I had been given some kind of gift, that it wasn't me who was staying sober (and, it wasn't me who was getting drunk). Ironically it was definitely me who kept getting drunk. So, something has changed in me, has been changing in me for some time. I really think that that not-taking-credit thing was a weird kind of inverted egotism, a subtle trick of the demon drinker to undermine my ability to stay sober. Because I finally owned the fact that I am a drunk, no excuses, I did / do it, no one else makes me, that also gave me the right to say "and now I've decided not to drink, and to take credit for that, and throw every thing I have, every bit of me, into the fight to stay sober, I am entitled to feel proud of what I am doing." Not saying I haven't had help from lots of quarters. But I am wholeheartedly and unequivocally proud of myself, in a way I don't think I have ever been, in my entire life.
Worked on Metanoia chapters 27 - 31 all morning. Didn't get out of my dressing gown until I meditated at midday. Then I worked on my table project, breaking up pallets with Ted until it got dark, when I came in and tried to design the fantastically complex tripod joint. Fortunately Nigel had a school geometry set which made it a bit easier (compasses and protractor). Still a bit of a brain strainer.
Nice feedback on my bit above from Stuart and B. A proper cup of tea (milk and sugar, never do that at tea time, should have had a slice of my lovely birthday cake with it) and then meditated.
Talked to F (back's hurting, children bathing and screaming, so not for long) and the mother of my children, fish pasta for supper (seems to have got a lot spicier sitting in the freezer, or maybe being sober enhances my taste buds) and now a quiet evening at home. Andrew has turned on the heating, my room feels like a sauna. A lovely quiet relaxed homey day. Same again tomorrow. Go for a bike ride tomorrow if it's not raining.
I want to write about AA - do it tomorrow. B wants us to describe our Day 1 - I can't really remember it. I must have blundered into totad some time that day. Or maybe that was on Sunday (day 2).
Worked on Metanoia chapters 27 - 31 all morning. Didn't get out of my dressing gown until I meditated at midday. Then I worked on my table project, breaking up pallets with Ted until it got dark, when I came in and tried to design the fantastically complex tripod joint. Fortunately Nigel had a school geometry set which made it a bit easier (compasses and protractor). Still a bit of a brain strainer.
Nice feedback on my bit above from Stuart and B. A proper cup of tea (milk and sugar, never do that at tea time, should have had a slice of my lovely birthday cake with it) and then meditated.
Talked to F (back's hurting, children bathing and screaming, so not for long) and the mother of my children, fish pasta for supper (seems to have got a lot spicier sitting in the freezer, or maybe being sober enhances my taste buds) and now a quiet evening at home. Andrew has turned on the heating, my room feels like a sauna. A lovely quiet relaxed homey day. Same again tomorrow. Go for a bike ride tomorrow if it's not raining.
I want to write about AA - do it tomorrow. B wants us to describe our Day 1 - I can't really remember it. I must have blundered into totad some time that day. Or maybe that was on Sunday (day 2).
Fucking Good On You!
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