Last day of my sober jumpstart course. B's sent an audio on relapse plus exciting offers to spend more money (50 podcasts for $150). Still a bit cheesed off that she didn't make it clear the penpal for a year bit of the deal (which is what I was really paying for) was contingent on my signing up for the 100 day pledge. And that has to be for drugs as well as alcohol. Does she include nicotine?
Relapse - drinking Beck's Blue (0.01% alcohol) and smoking a spliff, after meditation, feels like a relapse, or just too close to old drinking me. Funny how satisfying the beer is - it tastes right.
Signs of pre-lapse. Overwhelm. Planning a drink. Keep up the self care. Not reading, emailing, blogging. Skipping meals, meditation, messing about with bedtime. Taking too many risks - going out to occasions for drinking, too often. Not sticking to the plan.
Another messy bedtime - went to bed early, telly off, but started listening to a blog on the Chrome and fell asleep, then woke up with the lights on / laptop on at 1.15am. Went back to sleep and woke at 6.45. Off to Johnny and Ingrid's today to help Johnny hang the new gate and stack their logs. Tell Johnny about the bench joiner's job at the antiques shop.
Yesterday was a mess and a bit of a waste of time. Diana's reiki session was definitely a highlight and to be repeated. Funny that she said my head was so buzzy at the start, since I'd been meditating for half an hour beforehand. The spliff probably didn't help. Try it straight next time. Just so nice to be touched.
Bit depressing that B says she still needs the support of the group, emails from us, to keep her sober, after 5 years. What attracted me to tired of thinking about drinking was precisely to get away from that - not just to be sober, but to stop thinking about alcohol, sobriety, relapse blah blah - just to get on with the rest of my life, to leave this shit behind. It feels like B has built her life around this project - how she does anything else apart from this I can't imagine. I've bought the pre-lapse podcast she recommended. Listen to Part 1 - blog 046.
Don't forget to carry on reading her 100 day blog.
Spent the day helping Johnny hang his new gates, and stack their winter supply of logs, and all the time looking forward to the beer / gin / whisky / wine I wasn't going to drink. Not so bad, or surprising, since this is the place where I always drink, whatever the weather.
Meditated. Now we're watching Strictly and waiting for sausage supper. Church tomorrow, and then off to Southwold to say goodbye to the Fishers'.
Relapse - drinking Beck's Blue (0.01% alcohol) and smoking a spliff, after meditation, feels like a relapse, or just too close to old drinking me. Funny how satisfying the beer is - it tastes right.
Signs of pre-lapse. Overwhelm. Planning a drink. Keep up the self care. Not reading, emailing, blogging. Skipping meals, meditation, messing about with bedtime. Taking too many risks - going out to occasions for drinking, too often. Not sticking to the plan.
Another messy bedtime - went to bed early, telly off, but started listening to a blog on the Chrome and fell asleep, then woke up with the lights on / laptop on at 1.15am. Went back to sleep and woke at 6.45. Off to Johnny and Ingrid's today to help Johnny hang the new gate and stack their logs. Tell Johnny about the bench joiner's job at the antiques shop.
Yesterday was a mess and a bit of a waste of time. Diana's reiki session was definitely a highlight and to be repeated. Funny that she said my head was so buzzy at the start, since I'd been meditating for half an hour beforehand. The spliff probably didn't help. Try it straight next time. Just so nice to be touched.
Bit depressing that B says she still needs the support of the group, emails from us, to keep her sober, after 5 years. What attracted me to tired of thinking about drinking was precisely to get away from that - not just to be sober, but to stop thinking about alcohol, sobriety, relapse blah blah - just to get on with the rest of my life, to leave this shit behind. It feels like B has built her life around this project - how she does anything else apart from this I can't imagine. I've bought the pre-lapse podcast she recommended. Listen to Part 1 - blog 046.
Don't forget to carry on reading her 100 day blog.
Spent the day helping Johnny hang his new gates, and stack their winter supply of logs, and all the time looking forward to the beer / gin / whisky / wine I wasn't going to drink. Not so bad, or surprising, since this is the place where I always drink, whatever the weather.
Meditated. Now we're watching Strictly and waiting for sausage supper. Church tomorrow, and then off to Southwold to say goodbye to the Fishers'.
Thanks very helpful. I can now see the difference between you at day 15 and at day 52. Hat Trick
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