Horrible horrible dream. Family get together and I was telling everyone about my sober October, and then I started drinking and got very drunk. Woke up in a strange hotel room, feeling so disappointed and ashamed and hungover. Then really woke up, but it took me a while to realise I'd been dreaming. Still feel unhappy about it.
Is this ego, or accountability, or both? Maybe accountability is a way of using my ego to fight the drinking. I'm accountable to B, to Joe, and now to Pol (sticking to the sober October line). It's 5.30 and I'm sitting in her kitchen with this and a cup of tea. Nice sleep in lovely soft pillows and sheets.
Transferred all my blogs to here. Two messages from B, but I don't think they're my jumpstart thingys. An audio file. Give her my blog address.
I definitely have rainbows coming out of my arse, despite the horrible dream.
Jumpstart's started to arrive. B wants me to sign the 100 day pledge before becoming my penpal which is not what it said on the tin. I don't mind. I'll sign the pledge when I'm ready, on or before Day 30. Sent my blog to Aden. He's written me a 1,000 word letter (so far). Nice chat with him this morning.
Wallpapered the two back walls, then it got too dark to carry on. Finish in the morning, hope the weather's going to be OK. Meeting with Chris Clarke about pensions, death and woods, and the coming financial meltdown. He said I can put it all in gold bullion or bitcoins if I want.
Listening to B's first audio (or second, if so what was the first? SJ01 - why be sober - listening now). The basics. On being continuously sober, for long enough to notice the difference. How much more the difference there is now, from those earlier attempts. It's easier to be sober. Every new sober day is better than a drunk or hungover day.
Why am I so confident? Or over-confident. Aden's reaction was great, and encouraging. Maybe I should tell Felicity. And I'm happy with B. As I once was happy with AA, or WCCM at the Kairos Centre on the AA retreat weekend. Just keep my eyes on the road ahead.
If I gave up fags as well, I'd save another £50 a week. £200 a month. A lot of treats. A woodburner for the caravan, or a solar panel.
Is this ego, or accountability, or both? Maybe accountability is a way of using my ego to fight the drinking. I'm accountable to B, to Joe, and now to Pol (sticking to the sober October line). It's 5.30 and I'm sitting in her kitchen with this and a cup of tea. Nice sleep in lovely soft pillows and sheets.
Transferred all my blogs to here. Two messages from B, but I don't think they're my jumpstart thingys. An audio file. Give her my blog address.
I definitely have rainbows coming out of my arse, despite the horrible dream.
Jumpstart's started to arrive. B wants me to sign the 100 day pledge before becoming my penpal which is not what it said on the tin. I don't mind. I'll sign the pledge when I'm ready, on or before Day 30. Sent my blog to Aden. He's written me a 1,000 word letter (so far). Nice chat with him this morning.
Wallpapered the two back walls, then it got too dark to carry on. Finish in the morning, hope the weather's going to be OK. Meeting with Chris Clarke about pensions, death and woods, and the coming financial meltdown. He said I can put it all in gold bullion or bitcoins if I want.
Listening to B's first audio (or second, if so what was the first? SJ01 - why be sober - listening now). The basics. On being continuously sober, for long enough to notice the difference. How much more the difference there is now, from those earlier attempts. It's easier to be sober. Every new sober day is better than a drunk or hungover day.
Why am I so confident? Or over-confident. Aden's reaction was great, and encouraging. Maybe I should tell Felicity. And I'm happy with B. As I once was happy with AA, or WCCM at the Kairos Centre on the AA retreat weekend. Just keep my eyes on the road ahead.
If I gave up fags as well, I'd save another £50 a week. £200 a month. A lot of treats. A woodburner for the caravan, or a solar panel.
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