Really quite cold night. I was sitting outside the house at 10 last night, drinking a beer and smoking and listening to Jordan Peterson and Jonathan Haidt talking about the Heterodox University - Haidt being rather naive about the wonders of capitalism and how much good it has done; he only discovered capitalism in 2000 and is a bit starry eyed about it. Everyone else had gone to bed and my phone had told me to go to bed, and I was shivering in my all powerful fleece. Bit of a shock after the last few days.
The bell's ringing, I'll have to go to meditation in a few minutes. Belle talking on her podcast about anxiety and depression after going sober. Didn't mention paranoia (everyone dislikes me I'll think I'll go and eat worms). Ran out of time reading / writing this, so I'm meditating on my own in the caravan. It looks like it's going to be a nice day. The frogs have shut up, exhausted by their all night party I suppose.
I wonder how useful the shares before the morning meeting are?
The answer to feeling miz or unloved isn't, obvs, to just do more of the same (meditation, work, discipline) if that is the problem. I think it's just being alone, with strangers. Andrew and Delyth have each other (and yet Andrew is completely screwed up by Rebecca, couldn't even be in the same room with her yesterday) but the rest of us are pretty much in the same boat. Daniel spent the weekend with his Columbian friends at the university and was obviously very cheerful and relaxed when he met up with Rebecca and me after the film. Suzanne remains cheerful and smiley but clearly doesn't like the fights. John's waiting to go off to his monastery. Maybe it's the long termness or openendedness of it that's getting to me a bit.
I got a lovely message / comment from Laura on facebook yesterday - the joke's over, come back from your holiday, we're missing you. It's a shame she doesn't reply to emails (apparently), I want to keep in touch. I'll just have to ring them.
I wonder if Rebecca will repay me the 10 euros I spent on the cinema and drinks on Sunday, before she leaves tomorrow. I'm not going to ask her, just to see. When I asked her for money for the tobacco she got all shirty.
The rent / work equation's looking a bit one sided (mind you paying 18 euros a day for tasteless veggie crap isn't great value. One bland bowl of porridge is quite enough in a day - last night was soggy chips, saffron rice and veg, and lentils. Doesn't do much for my morale). Maybe I'll work all day in the garden with Susanne. Nothing else obvious on my to do list. Could put up the shower curtain and ventilator in the downstairs bathroom. Nice woman in Costaloadofmoney gave me back 146 euros for the paint which was a pleasant surprise, I thought they'd just offer me a credit note. And she knew where the Tabac was.
Maybe I'm just suffering (?!) from crap TV starvation. What I need is a nice evening of Game of Thrones (I've got four seasons stored somewhere on my laptop), baked tatty and sausages.
And how would I be feeling this morning if last night I'd had a nice meaty meal and half a bottle of Scotch?
I may let off some steam at this morning's share a la RB about the altar rail. Elba is normal, efficient, sane. She's leaving (has left here, although she'll be back again in May, but leaving WCCM to get a professional engineering job, a long way away). It's inevitable that this place should attract the weirdos (like me). Maybe that's how all new things start. The Pilgrim Fathers, or Christopher Columbus, going to America (and doing the heads in of a lot of perfectly happy Indians, sorry, native Americans, Aztecs and Incas, and burning a few of their own, along the way, and still shooting each other today). Not perhaps a good example.
Maybe volunteers are not such a good idea, at this stage in the game. We have to look after and care for them, when we're barely able to do that for ourselves. Only have established WCCMers / meditators here for a while, winnow out the nutters (e.g. me, Rebecca) as necessary. Don't unbalance the community. Delyth is hardly here. Andrew is stressed. Then there's me. And Rebecca. And blow ins like Elba and Laurence and Marie Dominique (she's not mad, I don't think). Yet we have Suzanne, John and Daniel as well. Talk to Laurence about this.
Right now, the permanent "community" is me and Andrew, with a bit of Delyth.
John Horgan Horticulturalist, Sean Boylan Herbalist - Galway / Co Meath, with Fr Laurence. Lovely evening, lovely food, esp Delyth's quiche - caramelised onions, goats cheese, black olives and anchovies, gluten free pastry.
Laurence having long chat with Rebecca. Andrew says he's putting his foot down - if she comes back, it's with his rules, or not at all. John Horgan knows the Lyons, knew Jimmy, Sean Boylan remembered Gerry Quinn. Sean B captained or coached Ireland's most devout and brutal Gaelic football team.
Finished watering the garden - used the river, quite illegally. Saw two very un-shy muskrats on the lake, looking just like otters, frogs very quiet. Found lovely fragrant peppermint growing all along the lake edge.
Plastered the damage to the chapel wall. J-C sent Daniel in with a trowel, but he didn't know what to do, so I finished it off - bit rough, but not too bad. Be all right with a bit of whitewash, plenty of lime around. Builders are plastering the outside of the Abbey with lime mortar.
Gardened all afternoon with Suzanne - planting maize, onions and broccoli between the potato rows, and then watering.
Laurence gave me a hug when he arrived, which was nice, if unexpected. Tomorrow (Wednesday) is the big day. Rang Laura and had a nice chat - she said she'd check the East Anglia Hospital charity shop for my jacket.
Looking sideways at Laurence over supper, he suddenly looked very frail, almost hollowed out.
Got the inverter sorted out - 600W for £109 including postage. It'll be here in 5 days. And the Phoenix money has arrived. Still not a dicky bird from Curtis Banks. Check with Chris Clarke.
Beard full of plaster dust and very itchy. Shower tomorrow.
On top of Mr and Mrs's Wasp's bijou residence I've got at least two lots of mortar bees moved in - going up into the hole in the bookshelf above my head / bed, in and out, cool as cucumbers. At this rate I'll end up with a droogle / doodle / swarmy thing hanging from the ceiling. No lizards yet, although there are zillions about.
The bell's ringing, I'll have to go to meditation in a few minutes. Belle talking on her podcast about anxiety and depression after going sober. Didn't mention paranoia (everyone dislikes me I'll think I'll go and eat worms). Ran out of time reading / writing this, so I'm meditating on my own in the caravan. It looks like it's going to be a nice day. The frogs have shut up, exhausted by their all night party I suppose.
I wonder how useful the shares before the morning meeting are?
The answer to feeling miz or unloved isn't, obvs, to just do more of the same (meditation, work, discipline) if that is the problem. I think it's just being alone, with strangers. Andrew and Delyth have each other (and yet Andrew is completely screwed up by Rebecca, couldn't even be in the same room with her yesterday) but the rest of us are pretty much in the same boat. Daniel spent the weekend with his Columbian friends at the university and was obviously very cheerful and relaxed when he met up with Rebecca and me after the film. Suzanne remains cheerful and smiley but clearly doesn't like the fights. John's waiting to go off to his monastery. Maybe it's the long termness or openendedness of it that's getting to me a bit.
I got a lovely message / comment from Laura on facebook yesterday - the joke's over, come back from your holiday, we're missing you. It's a shame she doesn't reply to emails (apparently), I want to keep in touch. I'll just have to ring them.
I wonder if Rebecca will repay me the 10 euros I spent on the cinema and drinks on Sunday, before she leaves tomorrow. I'm not going to ask her, just to see. When I asked her for money for the tobacco she got all shirty.
The rent / work equation's looking a bit one sided (mind you paying 18 euros a day for tasteless veggie crap isn't great value. One bland bowl of porridge is quite enough in a day - last night was soggy chips, saffron rice and veg, and lentils. Doesn't do much for my morale). Maybe I'll work all day in the garden with Susanne. Nothing else obvious on my to do list. Could put up the shower curtain and ventilator in the downstairs bathroom. Nice woman in Costaloadofmoney gave me back 146 euros for the paint which was a pleasant surprise, I thought they'd just offer me a credit note. And she knew where the Tabac was.
Maybe I'm just suffering (?!) from crap TV starvation. What I need is a nice evening of Game of Thrones (I've got four seasons stored somewhere on my laptop), baked tatty and sausages.
And how would I be feeling this morning if last night I'd had a nice meaty meal and half a bottle of Scotch?
I may let off some steam at this morning's share a la RB about the altar rail. Elba is normal, efficient, sane. She's leaving (has left here, although she'll be back again in May, but leaving WCCM to get a professional engineering job, a long way away). It's inevitable that this place should attract the weirdos (like me). Maybe that's how all new things start. The Pilgrim Fathers, or Christopher Columbus, going to America (and doing the heads in of a lot of perfectly happy Indians, sorry, native Americans, Aztecs and Incas, and burning a few of their own, along the way, and still shooting each other today). Not perhaps a good example.
Maybe volunteers are not such a good idea, at this stage in the game. We have to look after and care for them, when we're barely able to do that for ourselves. Only have established WCCMers / meditators here for a while, winnow out the nutters (e.g. me, Rebecca) as necessary. Don't unbalance the community. Delyth is hardly here. Andrew is stressed. Then there's me. And Rebecca. And blow ins like Elba and Laurence and Marie Dominique (she's not mad, I don't think). Yet we have Suzanne, John and Daniel as well. Talk to Laurence about this.
Right now, the permanent "community" is me and Andrew, with a bit of Delyth.
John Horgan Horticulturalist, Sean Boylan Herbalist - Galway / Co Meath, with Fr Laurence. Lovely evening, lovely food, esp Delyth's quiche - caramelised onions, goats cheese, black olives and anchovies, gluten free pastry.
Laurence having long chat with Rebecca. Andrew says he's putting his foot down - if she comes back, it's with his rules, or not at all. John Horgan knows the Lyons, knew Jimmy, Sean Boylan remembered Gerry Quinn. Sean B captained or coached Ireland's most devout and brutal Gaelic football team.
Finished watering the garden - used the river, quite illegally. Saw two very un-shy muskrats on the lake, looking just like otters, frogs very quiet. Found lovely fragrant peppermint growing all along the lake edge.
Plastered the damage to the chapel wall. J-C sent Daniel in with a trowel, but he didn't know what to do, so I finished it off - bit rough, but not too bad. Be all right with a bit of whitewash, plenty of lime around. Builders are plastering the outside of the Abbey with lime mortar.
Gardened all afternoon with Suzanne - planting maize, onions and broccoli between the potato rows, and then watering.
Laurence gave me a hug when he arrived, which was nice, if unexpected. Tomorrow (Wednesday) is the big day. Rang Laura and had a nice chat - she said she'd check the East Anglia Hospital charity shop for my jacket.
Looking sideways at Laurence over supper, he suddenly looked very frail, almost hollowed out.
Got the inverter sorted out - 600W for £109 including postage. It'll be here in 5 days. And the Phoenix money has arrived. Still not a dicky bird from Curtis Banks. Check with Chris Clarke.
Beard full of plaster dust and very itchy. Shower tomorrow.
On top of Mr and Mrs's Wasp's bijou residence I've got at least two lots of mortar bees moved in - going up into the hole in the bookshelf above my head / bed, in and out, cool as cucumbers. At this rate I'll end up with a droogle / doodle / swarmy thing hanging from the ceiling. No lizards yet, although there are zillions about.
 |
| Bees above pillow in cupboard. Wasps in ceiling ventilator. |
 |
| More bees in glass fronted cupboard |
Comments
Post a Comment
Say anything you like. I do.